Tell Me What You Want

“ A lot of sexual desires have been deemed unusual despite being anything but. ” e.style.display='none');if(typeof getContentsSections==='function')setTimeout(getContentsSections,50)" /> The largest fantasy survey ever. Sex researcher Justin Lehmiller surveyed 4,175 Americans with 369 questions and found that 97% reported having sexual fantasies — most several times per week. Seven major themes emerged that were shared by vast majorities regardless of gender, orientation, or background: multipartner sex, BDSM, novelty, taboo acts, nonmonogamy, passion and romance, and gender/sexuality flexibil

Lesson 1: Group sex, BDSM, and novelty: America's three universal turn-ons

This principle from Tell Me What You Want is backed by Justin J. Lehmiller's extensive research and real-world examples. Understanding it deeply can shift how you approach decisions, relationships, and long-term planning in meaningful ways.

Lesson 2: Most 'low libido' is shame about desire, not absence of desire

This principle from Tell Me What You Want is backed by Justin J. Lehmiller's extensive research and real-world examples. Understanding it deeply can shift how you approach decisions, relationships, and long-term planning in meaningful ways.

How to Apply Tell Me What You Want's Lessons

The real value of Tell Me What You Want lies in its applicability. After reading, the most important step is identifying which of Justin J. Lehmiller's principles speak most directly to your current situation.

Consider keeping a journal while reading — noting where the ideas challenge your current approach and where they confirm what you already suspected. The friction of your own resistance often points to the most important insights.

Key Quote

"Group sex, BDSM, and novelty: America's three universal turn-ons" — Justin J. Lehmiller, Tell Me What You Want

About the Author

Justin J. Lehmiller is the author of Tell Me What You Want. The book reflects years of research, observation, and synthesis of evidence from multiple disciplines.