Each person must decide where they draw the line between preserving their privacy, at least from those with whom they are not intimate, and letting others in. To maintain those lines, they erect boundaries and work to preserve them. Some individuals are more vigilant, and even aggressive, about enforcing their boundaries, which can lead to discomfort, if not conflict, with others. But in general, setting healthy boundaries can be a way of preserving one's mental health and well-being.
The Most Challenging Boundaries
Some boundaries are relatively easy to establish: telling a child not to touch a parent's computer, for example, or asking a coworker not to leave their things on one's desk. Others can seem daunting, such as telling a parent they can't drop in to see a grandchild at any time, or asking a partner to respect their daily exercise time. Insisting that close friends or family members honor a boundary one knows they may not agree with is a challenge, but to preserve one's balance and well-being, it's often essential.
Setting boundaries in a romantic relationship can be challenging for many reasons—including conflicting expectations, hurt feelings, and conflicting cultural messaging about what romantic partners can reasonably be expected to compromise on. What's more, because boundary violations can take many forms—disclosing private information to others without approval, not honoring a partner's work schedule, or touching them in ways they don’t appreciate—partners may inadvertently violate each other's boundaries without realizing they're doing so. With well-established boundaries, though, a couple can thrive. Partners must clearly state a boundary, enforce it by reminding the other when they’ve violated it, and not reward boundary-crossing behavior.
After a romantic relationship ends, one of both partners may resist completely letting go of their connection to the other, leading exes to attempt to stay friends , maintain online communication, or even have sex . Experts suggest the key to a healthy parting is the establishment of strong, agreed-upon boundaries, based on an honest assessment of how much contact partners decide they’re comfortable with, and clear communication about it. But at least at first, research suggests, the healthiest boundary may be to take some time apart to evaluate next steps without pressure.
Especially when spouses or grandchildren are involved, it can be hard for adult children to set boundaries with their parents , but it is often necessary to do so, for the adult child to maintain independence, keep from being treated like a kid, and avoid having to justify their decisions at every step. If topics such as finances or parenting styles, or disapproval of a partner are to be off-limits, that needs to be stated clearly; so do limits on unannounced visits and guidelines on time spent with grandchildren.
Explore More About Boundaries
For a comprehensive understanding of boundaries, read our complete guide: