Shame is an emotion that involves negative self-evaluation—believing that something is wrong with you as a person. You may believe that you haven’t lived up to certain standards and feel unworthy or inadequate as a result. Shame often operates outside of conscious awareness, making it challenging to identify and overcome—but healing and growth are always possible.
How to Overcome Shame
Consistent shame can have insidious consequences, but it’s possible to overcome this difficult feeling.
The first step is to identify shame. Given that it can be largely unconscious , identifying, labeling, and monitoring shame are critical steps in resolving it. You can explore feelings of shame with a therapist, a friend, or in a journal for yourself—although it might hurt to acknowledge at first.
Resolving shame often involves the practice of self-compassion. Self-compassion can improve the way we see ourselves and quiet our inner critic . Exercises may include writing a compassionate letter to yourself, which research shows can lower shame, self-criticism, and anxiety , or writing a compassionate letter to yourself from the point of view of someone in a position of power over you since shame involves feeling like others are evaluating you negatively. Another tool is a loving kindness meditation , in which you imagine loving yourself and others, and imagine being open to receiving love. Yet another approach is learning to forgive yourself, in the past and present.
A therapist can help people resolve shame and build self-esteem. With the help of a mental health professional, people might explore their past and identify key events at the root of their shame. They may work on developing self-compassion and taming their inner critic. They may explore their strengths and weaknesses to develop a realistic portrait of who they are and what they’re capable of. They may assess different domains of life to find what may be contributing to shame in the present and how those factors can be mitigated and monitor that progress over time.
Explore More About Shame
For a comprehensive understanding of shame, read our complete guide: