Limerence is a state of involuntary obsession with another person. The experience of limerence is different from love or lust in that it is based on the uncertainty that the person you desire, called the “limerent object” in the literature, also desires you. Since limerence is the desire to be desired, it is a cognitive experience, as well as a physical and emotional one. As the focus of limerence is whether or not the object of desire reciprocates the feelings, rather than actually falling in l
The Experience of Limerence
During an experience of limerence, thoughts about an individual’s limerent object may be persistent and intrusive. Physically, the individual may feel a racing heart, a flushed face, and jitters or weakness when they think of the person. Behaviorally, the individual feels heightened anxiety and fear , lest they do or say something around the object of their desires that will be a turn-off. The individual may feel self-conscious and hyper-aware of how they look, what they say, and how they seem, even down to the level of posture and word choice.
Uncertainty is necessary for limerence. An individual must not know how the object of their desire truly feels about them and will typically conceal their feelings for the other person as well, to the best of their ability, until they are more certain the other person reciprocates their feelings.
“It is an interpretation of events, rather than the events themselves,” wrote Tennov. “You admire, you are physically attracted, you see, or think you see the hint of possible reciprocity, and the process is set in motion.”
According to psychologist Dorothy Tennov, who coined the term when she wrote Love and Limerence in 1979, it isn’t. Healthy individuals can find themselves in a state of limerence they would never have expected. When they recover from the experience, their lives often go back to normal.
Explore More About Limerence
For a comprehensive understanding of limerence, read our complete guide: