Recovery from perfectionism is an essential part of limerence recovery for many people — because perfectionism is both a driver and a response to limerence.
The Perfectionism-Limerence Trap
- Limerence tells you that you're not good enough
- Perfectionism tries to compensate by achieving impossible standards
- Falling short of perfect standards confirms the 'not good enough' story
- This loop intensifies both perfectionism and limerence
Healthy Striving vs. Perfectionism in Limerence
Healthy striving: doing your best within current circumstances, satisfaction when you try hard Perfectionism: performance is only acceptable if perfect, satisfaction contingent on impossible standards
Moving Beyond Perfectionism in Limerence Recovery
- Practice 'good enough' in low-stakes situations
- Explore where perfectionism comes from — usually early messages about conditional worth
- CBT directly challenges the beliefs underlying perfectionism
- Self-compassion is the antidote — treating yourself with kindness rather than harsh standards