Infidelity is the breaking of a promise to remain faithful to a romantic partner, whether that promise was a part of marriage vows, a privately uttered agreement between lovers, or an unspoken assumption. As unthinkable as the notion of breaking such promises may be at the time they are made, infidelity is common, and when it happens, it raises thorny questions: Should you stay? Can trust be rebuilt? Or is there no choice but to pack up and move on?
What People Consider Infidelity
The line between innocent flirtation and romantic betrayal is often elastic, and many couples face conflict because partners do not share the same definition of cheating. For some, anything short of sexual contact with someone else is acceptable; for others, any attention to a potential rival is unforgivable.
The term “ micro-cheating ” refers to acts that fall short of most definitions of infidelity but may still disturb a partner, such as flirting with an attractive neighbor or co-worker, but with no intention of straying. Sexual fantasies are another matter. While many experts believe that sexual fantasies about other people, if they are not acted on and do not become a fixation, are not necessarily unhealthy for a relationship and may help maintain sexual energy and interest. But researchers emphasize that sexual fantasies about one’s own partner contribute more to a relationship.
Since the partner viewing porn doesn’t know and isn’t physically with the performers, many view porn use as potentially problematic but not actual infidelity. However, some partners insist that any sexual activity outside of the relationship is an offense. Experts suggest that couples be as open as possible with each other, and discuss if one partner’s consistent use of porn points to signs of trouble in the couple’s own sexual connection.
Some insist that emotionally confiding in anyone other than your partner is a betrayal. Such “ emotional infidelity ,” research shows, tends to be more troubling for women, while men deem sexual interaction as a greater offense. In surveys, partners’ definitions of what constitutes emotional betrayal range widely, leading to potentially devastating misunderstandings. But a sense that one’s partner may become more dedicated to someone other than themselves is central to worries about emotional infidelity.
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