Infidelity Through a Polyvagal Lens: Safety and the Nervous System

How Polyvagal Theory explains Infidelity and the role of safety in mental health.

Polyvagal Theory, developed by Stephen Porges, provides a neuroscience framework that explains many aspects of infidelity in terms of the nervous system's safety-detection mechanisms.

The Three States of Polyvagal Theory and Infidelity

Ventral vagal (safe and social): Optimal state for connection, learning, and infidelity management

Sympathetic mobilization (fight or flight): Anxiety-type infidelity responses

Dorsal vagal shutdown (freeze/collapse): Depression and dissociation-type infidelity

Neuroception and Infidelity

Neuroception — the body's unconscious safety-detection — can be dysregulated in infidelity, causing false alarms (sensing danger when safe) that drive infidelity responses.

Polyvagal-Informed Infidelity Treatment

Therapy that acknowledges the body's state — helping clients move into ventral vagal 'safe and social' — transforms infidelity management.

Safe relationships, co-regulation, and body-based practices are particularly emphasized.

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