Empathy is the ability to recognize, understand, and share the thoughts and feelings of another person, animal, or fictional character. Developing empathy is crucial for establishing relationships and behaving compassionately. It involves experiencing another person’s point of view, rather than just one’s own, and enables prosocial or helping behaviors that come from within, rather than being forced.
Empathy in Relationships
The ability to convey support for a partner, relative, or friend is crucial to establishing positive relationships. Empathy enables us to establish rapport with another person , make them feel that they are being heard, and, through words and body language, mimic their emotions. Perspective-taking , or the empathic ability to assume the cognitive state of another person and see a problem through their eyes, can further cement a connection.
In healthy relationships, people expect their partners to empathize with them when they face hardship or personal struggles, but the ability to empathize with a partner in good times may be at least as important. In one study, displaying empathy for a partner’s positive emotions was five times more beneficial for relationship satisfaction than only empathizing with his or her negative emotions.
People high in narcissism, or who have narcissistic personality disorder , can exhibit empathy and even compassion. However, that ability only goes so far, as ultimately their own needs come first. Some researchers believe narcissists can develop greater empathy by developing greater self-compassion, which can increase their own feelings of security and self-worth and enable them to open up to hearing others.
The Downside of Empathy
Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes can be beneficial, but when it becomes one’s default mode of relating to others, it can blind an individual to their own needs and even make them vulnerable to those who would take advantage of them.
People who regularly put the feelings and perspectives of others above their own may experience feelings of emptiness or alienation and develop generalized anxiety or low-level depression . Psychopaths, on the other hand, are capable of empathic accuracy , or correctly inferring thoughts and feelings, but may have no experiential referent for it: a true psychopath does not feel empathy.
First responders, humanitarian aid workers, doctors, therapists, journalists, and others whose work involves opening themselves up to others’ pain tend to be highly empathic. However, they may come to share the heartbreak of those they help or whose stories they record. "Emotional residue” accumulates; they may shut down, burn out , and become less willing or able to give of themselves.
Empaths are often characterized as being highly sensitive and overly focused on the needs of others. They may benefit from time alone, as they find it draining to be in the presence of other people. Very empathic people are more likely to be targeted by manipulative individuals. For this reason, it is important to create healthy boundaries in all relationships and to be cognizant of relationships with "energy vampires," who are draining to empaths and non-empaths alike.
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