Bullying is a distinctive pattern of repeatedly and deliberately harming and humiliating others, specifically those who are smaller, weaker, younger or in any way more vulnerable than the bully. The deliberate targeting of those of lesser power is what distinguishes bullying from garden-variety aggression .
Why Is Bullying So Harmful?
Bullying not only harms its victims but it harms the perpetrators themselves. Most bullies have a downwardly spiraling course through life, as their aggressive behavior interferes with learning, holding a job, and establishing and maintaining intimate relationships. Bullying carries the implicit message that aggression and violence are acceptable solutions to problems when they are not. Cooperation and the peaceful resolution of differences support an increasingly interconnected world.
Some bullies do leave the behavior behind. But many do not; aggression is a very stable social interaction style . Many who were bullies as children turn into antisocial adults, who are far more likely than nonaggressive kids to commit crimes, batter their wives, abuse their children—and produce another generation of bullies.
Bullies frequently carry out their aggression before an audience of peers, and the presence of an audience can boost a bully’s sense of power. But bystanders seldom stop the aggression ; they may in fact enjoy the spectacle. Even if they don’t approve of the situation, they may dislike the victim or fear retaliation by the bully.
Bullying causes a great deal of emotional harm to individuals, and being a victim of bullying is a major reason why many young people drop out of school. Bullying also harms society at large by creating a source of aggression and violence; those who bully are at increased risk of engaging in criminal behavior as adults.
What Is Cyberbulling?
Cyberbullying, or online bullying, is a significant new and invisibly harmful form of bullying especially affecting teens. As the social life of young people has moved onto the internet, so has bullying. Whereas bullying was once largely confined to school, the ubiquity of handheld devices affords bullies constant access to their targets. Cyberbullies harass others by spreading false rumors, calling them names, ridiculing them, mocking their appearance, circulating fake images of them, sharing private information without consent, even making physical threats.
Cyber harassment has been called a " digital dagger. " It can be especially disturbing because it can be broadcast instantly to countless others. It is intrusive, following targets wherever they go. And it can often be carried out anonymously; victims may have no idea who the perpetrators are.
The anonymity of cyberbullying makes it especially poisonous : It removes many restraints on meanness and amplifies the ferocity of aggression. It’s easier to inflict pain and suffering on others when you don’t have to look them in the eye. Constantly evolving digital technologies enable new ways of spreading false information about targets.
Both direct harassment and relational aggression thrive on the internet. Cyberbullies can not only spread false rumors with viral speed on social media , they can falsely impersonate someone and conduct all manner of mischief in someone else’s name. Sexual harassment and cyberstalking particularly target women. And long after the active bullying has stopped, malicious information can linger on the internet and continue to harm.
Whaat Is the Best Way to Handle a Bully?
The best defense against bullying is having a friend, being assertive (standing up for oneself in nonaggressive ways), and being socially skilled. Adults need to teach all children social skills and allow them to develop confidence in their own abilities. As social engineers for young children, parents are especially important in bully-proofing their children: They can regularly inquire about social challenges their children face and role-play possible solutions. The second-best defense against bullying is to walk away and not fight back. And because bullies take pleasure in seeing their victims suffer, the smart way to respond to a bully is unemotionally.
Studies show that the most effective way of stopping a bully is to activate bystanders; after all, bystanders reward bullies with attention . Since most children are witnesses to bullying at some point, teaching all children that they have an important role to play in stopping bullying is essential. A bully may make an effort to retaliate against one person who speaks up but is not likely to target several.
During the past decade or so, schools have widely adopted anti-bullying programs. The report card on their effectiveness, however, is mixed. Experts explain that schools are where most bullying takes place but they are not where attitudes about power and aggression, skills of emotion regulation , or social skills—the key influences on bullying—are learned.
Children are deeply ashamed of being bullied and may not let anyone know when they are being victimized. Therefore, parents have an obligation to know something about their children’s general competence with peers and how peers treat them—by asking teachers during school conferences and by gently asking their children about their social life. Teaching children to fight back is not effective; helping them gain social skills is.
Explore More About Bullying
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