Bullying is a distinctive pattern of repeatedly and deliberately harming and humiliating others, specifically those who are smaller, weaker, younger or in any way more vulnerable than the bully. The deliberate targeting of those of lesser power is what distinguishes bullying from garden-variety aggression .
When Bullying Becomes Part of Your Identity
Living with bullying over time can lead to a fusion of identity and diagnosis. You may find yourself thinking "I am bullying" rather than "I have bullying." This identity fusion has significant consequences:
- Reduces motivation (why try if this is just who I am?)
- Increases shame and stigma internalization
- Makes recovery feel like losing part of yourself
- Limits how others see you (and how you see yourself)
Reclaiming a Multidimensional Identity
Your identity is vastly larger than bullying. A powerful exercise: complete this sentence 20 times with anything other than your struggles:
"I am someone who ___________"
Values, roles, relationships, interests, history, capabilities — all form your identity.
Bullying as One Chapter, Not the Whole Story
Narrative therapy offers a powerful reframe: bullying is one story in a much larger life narrative. You are the author, not the character defined by struggle.
Externalizing the problem: Practice talking about "Bullying that visits me" rather than "my Bullying." This linguistic shift creates psychological distance and agency.
Building Identity Beyond Bullying
- Invest in relationships that see your full self, not just your struggles
- Pursue interests unrelated to mental health — art, sport, learning, creativity
- Find meaning — purpose larger than symptom management provides identity anchor
- Contribute to others — giving to others builds positive identity components
- Celebrate growth — document how you've changed, overcome, adapted
The Strengths That Bullying Builds
Many people find that navigating bullying develops genuine strengths: deep empathy, resilience, self-awareness, creativity, and a hard-won wisdom about what matters in life.