Top Evidence-Based Tips for Borderline Personality Disorder

Actionable, science-backed tips to help you manage Borderline Personality Disorder and improve your life.

Borderline personality disorder is a condition characterized by instability and impulsivity. The term originates from being on the “border” of psychosis —those with the condition seem to have a different sense of reality.

Causes and Risk Factors

The roots of borderline personality disorder still aren’t fully understood. As is the case for many mental health conditions, it seems to be caused by complex interactions between one’s biology and environment.

The disorder has a strong genetic component, because the condition is five times more common in people whose first-degree relatives have BPD, according to the DSM-5. The balance of activity in key brain regions—namely the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala—may be shifted in people with BPD. Life circumstances also play an important role, as BPD is more common in those who experienced childhood adversity, such as abuse or abandonment.

Past research has found that BPD occurs three times more in women than in men. Yet newer research suggests that the rates may actually be comparable. Past discrepancies may be due to the condition presenting differently in men and women, diagnostic bias , and more women seeking treatment. Therefore it’s important to remember that men and women, and people of all races, struggle with BPD .

The extreme way people with BPD experience the world may reflect a glitch in brain dynamics. Typically, the prefrontal cortex, the part of the forebrain responsible for self-control and decision-making , governs the limbic system, an evolutionarily ancient set of brain regions that generate primal emotions such as fear, centered in the amygdala. But people with BPD seem to have less input from the prefrontal cortex to the amygdala. This leads to an overactive amygdala—perceiving threat and rejection where others would not.

Treatment and Support

Historically borderline was thought to be nearly impossible to treat. But today experts recognize that the condition is treatable with commitment to therapy, greatly improving the lives of those with borderline.

The first-line treatment for BPD is dialectical behavior therapy, which teaches patients to tolerate emotional uncertainty and distress along with coping skills to regulate their emotions and build stable relationships.

Other forms of therapy can be effective as well. Cognitive behavior therapy targets distorted patterns of thought. Transference -focused psychotherapy helps patients work through the emotional challenges that trigger borderline behavior. And mentalization-based treatment helps patients regain curiosity about others’ mental states to leverage another perspective.

In addition to therapy, medications may be prescribed to help address symptoms such as anxiety or depression .

Relationships with People Who Have BPD

Close friendships, romance, and family bonds are often what people on the borderline crave the most, and they often move in whirlwind style to win over others. But sustaining intimacy is a colossal challenge, as the disorder embodies a poignant paradox: Sufferers yearn for closeness, but their overriding insecurity tends to drive away those most dear. Despite the self-defeating actions they typically deploy, it is not impossible for them to get beyond the histrionics to maintain closeness—and the very stability of a partner often proves curative.

Instability, volatility, and drama are central features of relationships with borderline individuals. You may feel fantastic when the person is in good spirits and crushed when they are not. People with borderline respond to fears of abandonment with neediness, which may come across as clingy text messages or stalking behaviors, or they may respond with anger and fury. They may be hypervigilant for real or imagined signs of rejection or abandonment should you, for example, be late, cancel an appointment, or talk to someone they see as competition . A continual sense of distrust may lead to a distorted sense of reality and paranoia .

Even those who recover from BPD are unlikely to ever be low-maintenance partners and friends. Loved ones need to develop skills such as stress management, self-care, and maintaining good boundaries so they can look out for themselves while helping their partner.

The following tips can help a loved one with BPD and strengthen bonds:

Explore More About Borderline Personality Disorder

For a comprehensive understanding of borderline personality disorder, read our complete guide:

Complete Borderline Personality Disorder Guide

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