How Stimming Affects Your Relationships

Discover how Stimming impacts personal relationships and what you can do about it.

Self-Stimulating Behaviors

What Are Common Stimming Behaviors?

Stimming can manifest as a wide variety of repetitive behaviors—including physical movements and/or audible sounds—some of which are more noticeable than others. Certain stimming behaviors are most often associated with autism, while others can occur in neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals alike.

Examples of stimming behaviors that tend to be specific to autism include:

Stims that may appear in autism, ADHD , or in neurotypical individuals include:

Though stims all serve the same general purpose, some types of stims, particularly those that are more likely to appear among neurotypical people, may be considered more socially or culturally acceptable than others; someone who twirls their hair, for example, will likely be seen as less disruptive than someone who bangs their head. Many stims are harmless, but certain types of stims, such as head-banging or hitting oneself, may cause injury to the individual or others around them.

Why Stimming Occurs in Autism and Other Conditions

Many people, both autistic and not, engage in self-stimulating behaviors from time to time. Often, these behaviors occur when someone is bored, anxious, overwhelmed, in pain, or experiencing another strong emotion ; in these cases, the behavior is usually short-lived or can be stopped with a small amount of effort.

For autistic people, however, stimming behaviors may be more frequent or more intense. Because autism frequently co-occurs with sensory processing sensitivity , someone with autism may regularly feel overwhelmed by sensory input in a way a neurotypical person may not; when this occurs, they may stim in order to self-regulate . Because autism affects social processing, an autistic individual may not pick up cues that others are noticing the behavior or becoming uncomfortable with it. Stimming can also be a form of communication in itself; when someone with autism feels frustrated or does not want to engage in an activity, they may stim to convey their discomfort, especially if they are nonverbal or otherwise struggle to communicate.

Similarly, people with ADHD often fidget to heighten their focus; because stimming provides a physical outlet for extraneous energy, many find that they are better able to pay attention to the task at hand without feeling physically antsy. Stopping the behavior, while technically possible for many with ADHD, may increase distraction or exacerbate feelings of restlessness.

Absolutely. Stimming, in and of itself, is not necessarily indicative of autism or ADHD, and many people report that they stim from time to time. However, neurotypical stimming is usually short-lived and may be less noticeable than autistic stimming. In its more severe forms, autistic stimming may be physically harmful, which is less likely to occur with neurotypical stimming.

Managing Stimming in Daily Life

Stimming can be a valuable coping mechanism for autistic and non-autistic people alike. As long as the behavior is not dangerous or excessively disruptive, letting it run its course is usually the recommended course of action. While parents or caregivers may feel embarrassed or frustrated by a child’s repetitive behavior, punishing a child for stimming is usually ineffective and may have lasting negative consequences, such as heightened anxiety or distrust of a caregiver .

In many cases, however, someone with autism may wish to hide or minimize their stims in order to avoid negative attention from others. And when stimming is physically harmful to the individual or those around them, or when it interferes with daily life, taking steps to manage or redirect the behaviors may be appropriate. Common techniques to manage stimming include behavioral therapy , replacing one stim with another, implementing a “ sensory diet ” to provide appropriate sensory input throughout the day, or adjusting the individual’s environment to eliminate triggers. In some cases, medications may be helpful, especially if someone is struggling with strong anxiety that manifests in stimming behaviors.

Many autistic people, but not all, are able to manage stimming behaviors with practice. However, it’s important to remember that most people engage in self-stimulating behaviors to some degree, and stopping these behaviors entirely is often neither possible nor desirable.

In general, no. Trying to force a child to stop stimming altogether is often counterproductive; even if one stim is eliminated, it doesn’t eliminate the child’s need to self-regulate, and the original stim is usually replaced by another. What’s more, children who are made to stop stimming may lash out, withdraw, or develop symptoms of depression or anxiety. Instead, parents should ask themselves if the stim is actually harmful to their child or simply embarrassing to the parent. If the former, steps should be taken to redirect the child to a safer or less disruptive stim, while still allowing them space to manage their emotional and sensory needs; if the latter, the parent should work on managing those feelings (with the help of a qualified therapist , if necessary) without attempting to change their child’s behavior.

Explore More About Stimming

For a comprehensive understanding of stimming, read our complete guide:

Complete Stimming Guide

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