Child Discipline, Revenge
Disciplining Children
When it comes to raising children, it’s helpful to remember that punishing a child isn't the same as disciplining them. Most parents want to encourage socially acceptable behavior in their children and discourage aggression and defiance. As a result, they find themselves with a choice between reward- or punishment-based discipline. However, research shows that physical punishment is ineffective and often results in long-term adverse outcomes for children regardless of their socioeconomic, ethnic, or religious background. In extreme cases, physical punishment can lead to abuse.
In February 2019, the American Psychological Association (APA) published a statement against spanking and other corporal punishment for children, citing these very reasons.
When parents spank kids, they risk contributing to long-term problems such as antisocial behavior and anxiety . Spanking undermines the parent-child bond and can increase aggression. It may also make someone more likely to use physical punishment on their own kids one day.
Different forms of physical punishment, like spanking, are often ineffective and tend to backfire in the long run. Children are too confused by the pain to learn any lesson the parent might be trying to teach—instead, what they take away is that hitting is acceptable behavior. Physical punishment can lead to a host of negative outcomes, including lower self-esteem , poor relationships with parents, and cognitive issues.
The Difference Between Punishment and Revenge
The distinction between punishment and revenge often lies in the methods or motivations behind people's actions, or in the perceived similarity between the inciting offense and the resulting consequence.
While punishment can be meted out between individuals, within families, or on a societal level, revenge is more often dispensed one-to-one—a man circulating nude pictures of an ex-partner after being dumped, for example. Evidence suggests that seeking revenge rarely helps heal psychological wounds, and instead tends to cause additional, long-lasting problems for everyone involved.
The nature of the transgression (big or small) and how personal it feels can make a difference. Generally, the greater the insult or betrayal, the likelier it is that the person will never forgive you. Even then, most people are not inclined to actively seek vengeance. However, if someone is high in Dark Triad traits (i.e., narcissism , psychopathy , or Machiavellianism ), then they are more likely to plot and pursue revenge.
When someone wrongs you, it’s tempting to give them a taste of their own medicine. Instead, ask yourself if they really meant to hurt you. Then consider whether taking revenge will help or harm the relationship. Oftentimes, the other person has no idea how terribly they made you feel. The choice to get retribution will likely destroy any hope of reconciling, and it can drive them to retaliate in turn—creating a vicious cycle.
Explore More About Punishment
For a comprehensive understanding of punishment, read our complete guide: