Pornography, or porn, is any sexually explicit material—written, visual, or otherwise—intended to sexually arouse. Pornography has existed for millennia, and today it remains widely available in books, magazines, and audio recordings, but is most readily found and accessed online: The world’s largest porn site claims that in 2018, it had a daily average of 92 million unique viewers, the vast majority of them males.
Examining Pornography in Relationships
There is no question that porn can become a source of conflict in committed relationships, especially when one partner has hidden their porn use because they know or suspect that the other would disapprove or consider it an act of infidelity . Experts encourage couples to discuss porn and other potentially divisive issues before marriage to avoid potentially disruptive arguments in the future.
Joint counseling can help partners understand each other’s true sexual interests and negotiate what will and will not be acceptable in their relationship going forward. But it is more likely, many psychologists believe, that disputes about porn use will be found to be driven by other, more critical sexual or communication issues that need to be addressed.
In surveys, most people say they do not think that the use of porn by people in committed relationships is a form of infidelity, but those who are single, who are more religious, who don’t use porn themselves, or who have low self-esteem are more likely to agree that it is. In the end, experts advise, if one’s partner believes that it’s a betrayal, then that concern must be addressed.
Humans need positive social interactions that provide physical affection, and when relationships don’t provide the affection we feel we need, we will seek substitutes for that deficit, sometimes in porn. Experts point to research confirming this theory, known as "affection exchange," as evidence that problematic porn use in relationships is typically a symptom of deeper issues .
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