Consensual Nonmonogamy
How Does Polyamory Work?
Some polyamorous people have a primary relationship and engage in casual hookups, but most begin secondary relationships with the consent of their primary partner, to whom they are generally married or committed. Introducing a secondary partner requires the primary couple to agree on a set of stipulations, such as date times and the type of intimacy allowed. Research has found that, despite the complications, polyamory offers benefits ranging from greater satisfaction and extra help with child care to increased relationship commitment.
Many polyamorous relationships started out that way. Others began as committed relationships involving two partners, in which one expressed a strong desire to open things up. When your partner wants non-monogamy and you don’t , it can be a relationship-threatening challenge. Couples therapists have found that these situations often involve a partner making a last-ditch attempt to save a relationship, or seeking an excuse to get out. But when a partner’s interest is sincere, and the other’s openness to change is real, it can succeed, with small steps, consistent communication, and a willingness to admit when it’s not working.
New relationship energy, or NRE, is a common threat to polyamorous relationships . In this scenario, a new partner is welcomed into a polyamorous relationship, bringing excitement, fascination, and a glow that the original long-term partner may find threatening. Experienced polyamorists prepare for NRE and compensate for it: The partner bringing in the new person may remind themselves to devote more attention to their long-term partner, while the other may be patient and hold steady to their long-term commitment until NRE dissipates and their larger relationship takes a new shape.
It is a myth that polyamorous relationships are not based on commitment. Polyfidelity, for example, is a common form of polyamory in which all involved partners commit to being sexually exclusive with each other and not to have lovers outside of the group. Like anyone else, though, partners in nonmonogamous relationships cheat , and such betrayals are just as serious as those that threaten marriages; polyamorous bonds, just as any others, are built on a foundation of trust and depend on emotional fidelity and honesty.
Explore More About Polyamory
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