Values clarification — identifying what matters most to you at the deepest level — is a cornerstone of ACT therapy for people-pleasing and provides direction when people-pleasing removes other navigational tools.
Why Values Matter for People-Pleasing
People-Pleasing often disconnects us from our values through avoidance, withdrawal, and reduced capacity. Reconnecting with values provides:
- Direction when people-pleasing has eliminated other motivation
- Meaning that persists even through difficult people-pleasing periods
- A basis for action independent of how people-pleasing makes you feel
Clarifying Your Values with People-Pleasing
Ask yourself: 'If my people-pleasing were less present, what would I be doing more of? What kind of person would I be?'
Values are not goals (achievable and done) but ongoing directions: being a present parent, creating beauty, contributing to others.
Values-Based Action in People-Pleasing
ACT therapy teaches: act according to values even when people-pleasing is present. Small values-aligned actions, despite people-pleasing, are more sustainable than waiting for people-pleasing to lift first.