Narrative therapy offers a distinctive and powerful perspective: people-pleasing is a story that has taken hold, not a fixed truth — and stories can be changed.
The Narrative Approach to People-Pleasing
Narrative therapy, developed by Michael White and David Epston, proposes that:
- People-Pleasing is externalized: it's something you're experiencing, not who you are
- Dominant stories about yourself can be unhelpful and incomplete
- Alternative stories — containing evidence of strength, agency, and values — already exist
- Re-authoring: deliberately constructing a new narrative that doesn't center people-pleasing
Key Narrative Therapy Techniques for People-Pleasing
Externalizing conversations: 'The people-pleasing tells me...' rather than 'I believe...'
Unique outcomes: Finding exceptions — times when you resisted or overcame people-pleasing
Re-membering: Who in your life, past or present, would not be surprised by your capacity to address people-pleasing?
Finding a Narrative Therapist for People-Pleasing
Narrative therapists are found through the International Journal of Narrative Therapy network and therapist directories. Training varies significantly — ask about specific narrative training.