Perfectionism is both a driver and a symptom of people-pleasing. Understanding this relationship is essential for breaking the cycle.
How Perfectionism Feeds People-Pleasing
- Perfectionist standards are unachievable, guaranteeing chronic disappointment
- Harsh self-criticism when falling short of perfect standards directly drives people-pleasing
- Procrastination (a perfectionism avoidance strategy) creates shame and increases people-pleasing
- The gap between standards and reality is a constant source of people-pleasing
Types of Perfectionism in People-Pleasing
Self-oriented perfectionism: Unrealistically high personal standards Other-oriented perfectionism: Unrealistically high standards for others Socially prescribed perfectionism: Belief that others demand perfection from you
The last type has the strongest link to people-pleasing.
Moving from Perfectionism to Excellence
Excellence — doing your best with available resources — is compatible with people-pleasing management. Perfectionism — doing it perfectly or not at all — is not.
CBT and ACT are particularly effective for the perfectionism-people-pleasing cycle.