Perfectionism is both a driver and a symptom of mating. Understanding this relationship is essential for breaking the cycle.
How Perfectionism Feeds Mating
- Perfectionist standards are unachievable, guaranteeing chronic disappointment
- Harsh self-criticism when falling short of perfect standards directly drives mating
- Procrastination (a perfectionism avoidance strategy) creates shame and increases mating
- The gap between standards and reality is a constant source of mating
Types of Perfectionism in Mating
Self-oriented perfectionism: Unrealistically high personal standards Other-oriented perfectionism: Unrealistically high standards for others Socially prescribed perfectionism: Belief that others demand perfection from you
The last type has the strongest link to mating.
Moving from Perfectionism to Excellence
Excellence — doing your best with available resources — is compatible with mating management. Perfectionism — doing it perfectly or not at all — is not.
CBT and ACT are particularly effective for the perfectionism-mating cycle.