Jealousy is a complex emotion that encompasses feelings ranging from suspicion to rage to fear to humiliation . It strikes people of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations, and is most typically aroused when a person perceives a threat to a valued relationship from a third party. The threat may be real or imagined.
How to Deal With Jealousy
Valuable though it can be, jealousy also has the potential to fuel damaging behavior. It can compel someone to obsessively monitor another's communication, relationships, and whereabouts; attempt to lower their self-confidence ; or even behave violently.
Even though it may feel taboo, simply acknowledging jealousy's presence can both help ward it off in the future and strengthen a relationship in the present. Exploring the emotions that underpin jealousy can inspire self-reflection that may help to develop internal coping skills. Being honest with the other party about jealous feelings can spur productive conversations about what the relationship might be missing and how to repair the bond.
There is no instant cure for jealousy. But accepting that jealousy is normal, challenging negative thoughts , and practicing mindfulness may all help reduce its pull. When jealousy is overwhelming, talking to a therapist can help enormously.
Many people feel “retrospective jealousy,” or jealousy about a partner’s past. Recognizing that such feelings are normal can help, as can making an effort to focus on the present . Interrogating a partner about past lovers or seeking constant reassurance will likely only increase feelings of jealousy.
Envy, Compersion, and Other Related Feelings
Jealousy and envy are similar feelings, but they’re not the same. Jealousy always involves a third party seen as a rival for affection or attention. Envy occurs between only two people and is best summed up as, "I want what you have." For example, someone may feel envious of another’s wealth, status, or appearance.
Compersion is another feeling loosely related to romantic or sexual jealousy. Compersion occurs when, rather than feeling distressed that a partner is emotionally or sexually involved with someone else, the individual feels happy for them. Compersion is most often discussed in the context of polyamory and other consensually non-monogamous relationships.
Be honest about your feelings and work to directly address any underlying issues (such as inequality within the relationship or personal feelings of inadequacy). It may help for the envious partner to pursue concrete avenues—such as a career change or a new workout routine—to boost self-efficacy and self-esteem .
Here's what we know about "retroactive jealousy," a term for intrusive and painful thoughts about a partner's romantic or sexual past that has gained legitimacy online.
Explore More About Jealousy
For a comprehensive understanding of jealousy, read our complete guide: