Ghosting is abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation. The concept most often refers to romantic relationships but can also describe disappearances from friendships and the workplace.
How to Handle Being Ghosted
The phenomenon of abruptly disappearing from people’s lives isn’t new–but it seems to be more common today. Technology has made ghosting an easy way to dissolve relationships. According to a 2018 study, approximately 25 percent of men and women reported having been ghosted in a romantic relationship , and 22 percent admitted to having ghosted someone else. The Federal Reserve even recognized the phenomenon in a 2018 report, in which employers reported being ghosted by employees in a tight labor market.
The reason for being ghosted often has a lot to do with the ghoster, rather than with the ghostee. Cutting off communication spares the individual from confrontation, taking responsibility, or engaging in the emotional labor of empathy—despite the benefit a conversation can provide. In effect, it is much more convenient to vanish.
Being ghosted feels confusing because you don't know if the relationship is really over, or if there is a different reason for the person's absence. You may worry that something terrible has befallen the person. When you do realize the relationship is over, you have no idea what happened or what you did wrong. You feel that you are to blame.
This likely depends on the duration of the relationship. If the person did not text you after your second or third date, it is probably futile to contact the person, and you are likely better off without them . If the relationship’s duration was for a longer period, perhaps months, a message or email may be warranted. Be direct and ask for honesty.
Why It’s Easy For Some People to Disappear
The desire to avoid discomfort can apply to a wide range of situations. After flirting for a while, a man or woman may disappear rather than admit they’ve lost interest . Someone who feels mistreated by a friend might stop responding rather than confront them. A teenager who feels frustrated by a minimum wage job might spontaneously stop showing up to work instead of giving notice.
When ghosters decide to leave a relationship, they factor in the time they invested and the level of engagement in the relationship. If, for example, the two parties dated once or twice, disappearing may seem to be a viable decision for the ghoster. They do not wish to lead the other person on, and they rationalize the departure as compassionate and reasonable.
Many cultures promote the idea of the soul mate or destiny beliefs, as evident in the classic Hollywood rom-com. Seeking the one and only partner for life is a fixed idea of how relationships should work, and it gives people the license to disappear from the face of the earth when a relationship is not up to their ideal. When a person does something for true love and what is their destiny, then it is okay to leave.
Technology may contribute to the tendency to ghost: Research suggests that the high volume of potential prospects on dating apps may make each individual person appear more disposable. Just swipe right. Another attitude that may foster ghosting is believing in destiny. One study found that people who believe in relationship destiny—that everyone has a soulmate waiting to sweep them off their feet—were much more likely to believe that ghosting was acceptable.
Explore More About Ghosting
For a comprehensive understanding of ghosting, read our complete guide: