Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. Emotional intelligence is generally said to include a few skills: namely, emotional awareness, or the ability to identify and name one’s own emotions; the ability to harness those emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions, which includes both regulating one’s own emotions when necessary and helping others to do the
When Emotional Intelligence Becomes Part of Your Identity
Living with emotional intelligence over time can lead to a fusion of identity and diagnosis. You may find yourself thinking "I am emotional intelligence" rather than "I have emotional intelligence." This identity fusion has significant consequences:
- Reduces motivation (why try if this is just who I am?)
- Increases shame and stigma internalization
- Makes recovery feel like losing part of yourself
- Limits how others see you (and how you see yourself)
Reclaiming a Multidimensional Identity
Your identity is vastly larger than emotional intelligence. A powerful exercise: complete this sentence 20 times with anything other than your struggles:
"I am someone who ___________"
Values, roles, relationships, interests, history, capabilities — all form your identity.
Emotional Intelligence as One Chapter, Not the Whole Story
Narrative therapy offers a powerful reframe: emotional intelligence is one story in a much larger life narrative. You are the author, not the character defined by struggle.
Externalizing the problem: Practice talking about "Emotional Intelligence that visits me" rather than "my Emotional Intelligence." This linguistic shift creates psychological distance and agency.
Building Identity Beyond Emotional Intelligence
- Invest in relationships that see your full self, not just your struggles
- Pursue interests unrelated to mental health — art, sport, learning, creativity
- Find meaning — purpose larger than symptom management provides identity anchor
- Contribute to others — giving to others builds positive identity components
- Celebrate growth — document how you've changed, overcome, adapted
The Strengths That Emotional Intelligence Builds
Many people find that navigating emotional intelligence develops genuine strengths: deep empathy, resilience, self-awareness, creativity, and a hard-won wisdom about what matters in life.