Co-regulation — the calming of our nervous system through connection with a regulated other — is one of the most powerful and underappreciated emotion regulation interventions.
What Co-Regulation Is and Why It Matters for Emotion Regulation
Humans are social mammals whose nervous systems are literally designed to be regulated through connection. When someone calm and safe is with us, our nervous systems naturally mirror theirs.
This is why emotion regulation tends to worsen in isolation and improve with genuine connection.
Co-Regulation in Emotion Regulation Treatment
The therapeutic relationship provides co-regulation — a calm, regulated presence that directly helps the client's nervous system settle during emotion regulation.
Safe relationships in daily life serve the same function. This is part of why social isolation is so damaging for emotion regulation.
Building Co-Regulatory Relationships for Emotion Regulation
- Identify people whose presence tends to calm rather than activate your emotion regulation
- Intentionally spend time with these people during difficult emotion regulation periods
- Pets provide co-regulation for many people with emotion regulation
- Therapeutic relationships (therapist, psychiatrist) provide professional co-regulation