Perfectionism is both a driver and a symptom of domestic violence. Understanding this relationship is essential for breaking the cycle.
How Perfectionism Feeds Domestic Violence
- Perfectionist standards are unachievable, guaranteeing chronic disappointment
- Harsh self-criticism when falling short of perfect standards directly drives domestic violence
- Procrastination (a perfectionism avoidance strategy) creates shame and increases domestic violence
- The gap between standards and reality is a constant source of domestic violence
Types of Perfectionism in Domestic Violence
Self-oriented perfectionism: Unrealistically high personal standards Other-oriented perfectionism: Unrealistically high standards for others Socially prescribed perfectionism: Belief that others demand perfection from you
The last type has the strongest link to domestic violence.
Moving from Perfectionism to Excellence
Excellence — doing your best with available resources — is compatible with domestic violence management. Perfectionism — doing it perfectly or not at all — is not.
CBT and ACT are particularly effective for the perfectionism-domestic violence cycle.