Breadcrumbing is a term for stringing someone along with small nuggets of communication—but never fully committing to a relationship. Today those crumbs of communication tend to occur online. The person may respond to an Instagram story, like a Facebook photo, or text a funny meme. They may text back and forth periodically but never seem to agree to plans in person. The connection stalls, unable to evolve into a fulfilling relationship.
The Signs of Breadcrumbing
Breadcrumbing can be a confusing experience; learning to spot the signals can help people name the behavior and process it. The signs include:
Behaviors you can observe from the breadcrumber:
Feelings you can observe in yourself
Breadcrumbing generally refers to dating , but the behavior can also occur in familial relationships (infrequent and conditional love), friendships (connecting then breadcrumbing), and professional situations (dangling illusive opportunities).
The Emotional Consequences of Breadcrumbing
Breadcrumbing involves a sporadic, shallow pattern of communication. These occasional moments of connection keep the person hopeful that a relationship may yet be possible. This often prevents the breadcrumbee from ending the relationship, even though they may be struggling with confusion, frustration, or disappointment.
Research suggests that people who have been breadcrumbed tend to feel more lonely, more helpless, and less satisfied with life. The prolonged nature of the process makes it particularly difficult, perhaps more so than ghosting. The person is stuck on standby, leading to feelings of uncertainty, anxiety , and invalidation.
There are many reasons why breadcrumbing is hurtful : First, social rejection is painful; research has found similarities between social rejection and physical pain in the brain. Second, confusion and lack of closure can trigger self-doubt. Third, breadcrumbing can lead to isolation and loneliness , because it discourages people from dating or seeking new connections. Fourth, it can instill a sense of loss, such as the loss of trust or hope.
The realization that one was led-on poses its own challenges; the person may feel like they were betrayed or manipulated, which can evoke embarrassment , self-doubt, or withdrawal.
How to Cope with Being Breadcrumbed
It’s natural to feel hurt by breadcrumbing. Once you realize that the other person’s behavior is consistently non-committal, you can take steps to manage your emotions and recover from the experience.
- Acknowledge and name what happened. You can share the experience with a friend or journal about it.
There’s no obligation to do so, but if you think confronting the breadcrumber would provide closure, you can share your feelings directly. For example, “It feels like you’ve been stringing me along, and that hurts.”
- Learn about breadcrumbing and forms of non-committal behaviors so you understand the cultural context. This will also help you spot it sooner if it happens again.
Explore More About Breadcrumbing
For a comprehensive understanding of breadcrumbing, read our complete guide: