Avoiding vulnerability is a common bdsm response that ultimately worsens it. Understanding the paradoxical relationship between vulnerability and bdsm opens new pathways for recovery.
How Avoiding Vulnerability Maintains BDSM
- Concealing bdsm from others prevents the connection that would help
- The energy required to maintain a facade when bdsm is high is enormous
- Shame about bdsm thrives in secrecy — vulnerability interrupts this
- Authentic expression of bdsm often elicits the support that reduces it
Brené Brown's Research Relevance to BDSM
Brown's research shows that people with high levels of shame (common in bdsm) avoid vulnerability — which paradoxically increases shame and bdsm. Courage to be vulnerable interrupts this cycle.
Practicing Vulnerability with BDSM
Start small: share one authentic feeling with one trusted person. The feared negative response usually doesn't materialize — and when it doesn't, confidence in vulnerability builds.