One of the most counterintuitive truths about bdsm: the struggle against it often makes it worse. Acceptance — clearly misunderstood — is one of the most powerful tools available.
What Acceptance of BDSM Actually Means
Acceptance does NOT mean:
- Liking or approving of bdsm
- Giving up on getting better
- Thinking bdsm is okay
Acceptance DOES mean:
- Acknowledging bdsm without adding unnecessary struggle against the fact of its existence
- Allowing bdsm to be present without fighting it into bigger problems
- Making room for bdsm while still living your values
The ACT Approach to BDSM
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) uses acceptance as a core tool: instead of fighting bdsm, you learn to make room for it while committing to valued action regardless.
The Paradox of Accepting BDSM
Many people find that when they stop fighting bdsm and simply allow it, it loses intensity. The suffering of bdsm is partly the struggle against it.