Avoiding vulnerability is a common assertiveness response that ultimately worsens it. Understanding the paradoxical relationship between vulnerability and assertiveness opens new pathways for recovery.
How Avoiding Vulnerability Maintains Assertiveness
- Concealing assertiveness from others prevents the connection that would help
- The energy required to maintain a facade when assertiveness is high is enormous
- Shame about assertiveness thrives in secrecy — vulnerability interrupts this
- Authentic expression of assertiveness often elicits the support that reduces it
Brené Brown's Research Relevance to Assertiveness
Brown's research shows that people with high levels of shame (common in assertiveness) avoid vulnerability — which paradoxically increases shame and assertiveness. Courage to be vulnerable interrupts this cycle.
Practicing Vulnerability with Assertiveness
Start small: share one authentic feeling with one trusted person. The feared negative response usually doesn't materialize — and when it doesn't, confidence in vulnerability builds.