One of the most counterintuitive truths about assertiveness: the struggle against it often makes it worse. Acceptance — clearly misunderstood — is one of the most powerful tools available.
What Acceptance of Assertiveness Actually Means
Acceptance does NOT mean:
- Liking or approving of assertiveness
- Giving up on getting better
- Thinking assertiveness is okay
Acceptance DOES mean:
- Acknowledging assertiveness without adding unnecessary struggle against the fact of its existence
- Allowing assertiveness to be present without fighting it into bigger problems
- Making room for assertiveness while still living your values
The ACT Approach to Assertiveness
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) uses acceptance as a core tool: instead of fighting assertiveness, you learn to make room for it while committing to valued action regardless.
The Paradox of Accepting Assertiveness
Many people find that when they stop fighting assertiveness and simply allow it, it loses intensity. The suffering of assertiveness is partly the struggle against it.