Why You Should Stop Rejecting Unpleasant Feelings
You can allow discomfort to remain and return to the present moment.
Posted April 21, 2026 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
You wake up and something feels off. Your mind is slow and cloudy. Your energy is low, and you begin to worry the day may not be as productive as you hoped. The day has barely begun, yet there is already a sense that it should feel different.
The response begins quickly: You try to correct the feeling. Coffee, movement, mental pressure: Get focused, get moving, start the day properly . A good start is expected to include energy and clarity. When that state does not appear, the instinct is to fix it before continuing.
This instinct reflects a message many of us know well: Move past discomfort quickly. Phrases like “shake it off,” echoed in "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift, capture this idea. The expectation is that unwanted feelings should be cleared so the day can continue as planned.
The effort often produces the opposite effect: The more pressure applied, the more noticeable the cloudiness becomes. Attention moves from the act of waking up to monitoring how you feel. The morning becomes centered on correction rather than engagement.
This sequence appears in many situations. People often hold an internal standard for how they should feel at a given moment. When their experience does not match that standard, the immediate response is adjustment. This response can be understood as a form of rejection. What is often missed is that the effort to correct the state can disrupt attention more than the state itself.
“Not rejecting” and acceptance are related but distinct. Not rejecting refers to the absence of immediate resistance toward an experience. Acceptance reflects a willingness to engage with that experience as part of ongoing life. A person may still dislike a feeling and wish it were different, yet choose not to interfere with it in the moment. The experience is not welcomed, but it is not pushed away.
Resistance requires effort. When an unpleasant state appears, the mind begins to manage it. This management draws on attention. Part of awareness becomes focused on changing the experience rather than engaging with the moment. As attention divides, it becomes harder to remain present.
The effect can intensify through repetition. A low-energy morning may have passed without much consequence. When effort is directed toward correcting it, the mind returns to it repeatedly, checking whether it has changed. Each return maintains focus on the state.
An additional layer of strain also develops. Instead of simply feeling tired, there is tiredness combined with pressure. Instead of just feeling slow, there is slowness combined with rushing. The original condition remains, but it is accompanied by a second process that increases cognitive and emotional load.
When rejection is reduced, that second layer does not develop. The feeling remains, but the effort to remove it decreases. Attention is less divided. Engagement with the present moment becomes easier because fewer resources are directed toward internal correction.
Social expectations play a role in this process. Energy, productivity , and forward movement are often treated as indicators of a successful day. These expectations influence how internal states are interpreted. Conditions such as fatigue or low motivation may be viewed as problems requiring immediate resolution.
Morning routines illustrate this influence clearly. The start of the day is often associated with clarity and readiness. When experience differs, the gap between expectation and reality can lead to immediate corrective effort. This response becomes habitual through repetition.
External expectations gradually become internal standards. A person no longer requires external pressure to feel the need for correction. Low energy may be interpreted as falling short. Emotional discomfort may be treated as something to remove before continuing.
Internal states, however, vary for many reasons. Sleep quality, accumulated fatigue, and emotional carryover all contribute. A cloudy morning may reflect these factors without requiring immediate change. Attempting to remove the state does not necessarily improve functioning.
Allowing the state to remain does not prevent action. Tasks can still be completed. Conversations can still occur. Decisions can still be made. The difference lies in whether attention is directed toward the activity or toward changing how one feels before engaging.
This dynamic appears throughout the day: Delays at work can lead to frustration. Social interactions can produce discomfort. Mistakes can lead to embarrassment . Each situation can trigger an attempt to correct internal experience before proceeding.
In conversations, for example, discomfort can lead to immediate self-correction. Replaying what was said or trying to repair the feeling can interrupt engagement. Allowing the discomfort to remain can support continued attention to the interaction.
A practical application begins with recognition. When a feeling appears, it can be acknowledged without immediate correction. A cloudy morning can be noted without attempting to change it. Frustration can be observed without removal. Action can continue in parallel. The internal state does not need to be altered before engagement begins.
Unpleasant feelings do not disappear simply because you stop rejecting them. They may return repeatedly throughout the day. The aim is not to eliminate them, but to change how you respond each time they appear. Each moment becomes a new opportunity to notice the feeling without trying to remove it. The repetition is part of the process, not a sign that something is going wrong.
Next time you wake up to a cloudy head and mind, consider contemplating one simple phrase throughout the day. When unpleasant feelings arise, or when something is seen, heard, touched, or remembered, return to it: “I am not rejecting it.”
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Sothy Eng, Ph.D., is an Associate Professor of Human Development and Family Science at the University of Hawai‘i at Mānoa.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.