5 Reasons Why Some Share Their Sexual Fantasies While Others Do Not
New research reveals 5 key factors that affect fantasy disclosure.
Posted November 24, 2025 | Reviewed by Devon Frye
Why do some people choose to share their sexual fantasies while others opt to keep them secret? A recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research offers fresh insights into the topic of fantasy disclosure.
What Are Sexual Fantasies?
Sexual fantasies are usually defined as mental images that are sexually arousing or erotic. Research has shown that nearly everyone fantasizes at least occasionally; however, a small percentage of the population has aphantasia (an inability to form mental pictures), and these individuals are literally unable to have imagery-based fantasies, whether about sex or anything else.
Some of the most common fantasies include sex with multiple partners, kink and rough sex, doing something taboo, and having sex in new positions or settings. A recent review of the fantasy literature concludes that there's a lot of commonality in the things people fantasize about and that relatively few fantasies are statistically rare.
Why People Share (or Hide) Sexual Fantasies
So what factors affect whether we decide to disclose our fantasies or not? Researchers at Staffordshire University in the U.K. conducted an online survey of nearly 300 adults that explored people's reasons for sharing versus hiding their most recent or favorite sexual fantasy. (Disclosure: I assisted with the research.)
Participants first categorized their fantasy into one of several types, then answered questions about why they chose to share or withhold it from their partner, how their partner reacted (or how they anticipated their partner would react), as well as how positively they perceived that reaction (or, if they hadn't disclosed it, how positively they thought their partner would react).
The majority (almost 70 percent) of participants said that they had shared their fantasy with their partner.
There Are at Least 5 Key Motivations
After analyzing the responses, the researchers concluded that there were five main factors that contributed to either sharing or hiding a sexual fantasy. These included:
Overall, the vast majority of partners responded positively to fantasy disclosures—over 80 percent! While the authors note that this may reflect a careful selection process in both what was shared and how it was communicated, the findings suggest a largely supportive dynamic when people choose to share their fantasies. In most cases, partners responded with openness , expressed support, and even reported having similar fantasies themselves.
However, some people (about 1 in 5) experienced negative reactions, which means that sharing fantasies isn't always going to turn out well. For example, when someone shares a fantasy their partner isn't into, they sometimes end up feeling judged or shamed.
The authors conclude that sharing sexual fantasies has the potential to positively influence both relationship and sexual satisfaction, pointing to the overwhelmingly supportive partner responses as evidence that disclosure is mutually beneficial more often than not.
However, it is important to remember that most people in this study said they were sharing "low risk" fantasies, which probably accounts for why partner responses were overwhelmingly favorable. Odds are, the success rate for sharing riskier fantasies might not be as high.
For tips on how to share a fantasy with a partner and a deeper dive into the science of fantasies, check out my book, Tell Me What You Want .
Facebook image: PeopleImages/Shutterstock
Kimberley, M. L., Jones, S. A., & Elliott, J. M. (2025). A Content Analysis of Reasons for Disclosing Sexual Fantasies and Partner Responses. The Journal of Sex Research , 62 (3), 421–432. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2024.2310085
Lehmiller, J. J., & Gormezano, A. M. (2023). Sexual fantasy research: A contemporary review. Current Opinion in Psychology , 49 , Article 101496. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2022.101496
Leitenberg, H., & Henning, K. (1995). Sexual fantasy. Psychological Bulletin, 117 (3), 469–496. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.117.3.469
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Justin J. Lehmiller, Ph.D. , is a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.