Why Some Places Never Leave Us
Certain memories and experiences stay with us long after we leave them.
Updated May 23, 2026 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
Have you ever travelled somewhere unfamiliar and felt something change inside you as soon as you arrived? Or, when it was time to leave, were you hit with an overwhelming sense of sadness and longing? After leaving, did you find yourself unable to stop thinking about your experiences there? This was Jason Bennett’s experience.
Jason, originally from California, was a senior marketing executive and had worked with Gap Inc. according to a CNN report . Like everyone else, he wanted to reach the highest level of his career , but in 2018, he left everything and moved permanently to Medellín, Colombia. The report stated that he moved after "falling hard" for the city.
That phrase, "falling hard", could mean many things. In Jason’s case, it suggests that he began to experience feelings he could not easily explain. Such feelings may be linked to cognitive immobility , a stressful sense of mental entrapment in a place, which can lead to unconscious efforts to hold on to memories of the people, places, events, cultures, and objects encountered there. This may help explain why he fell hard for Medellín.
Jason had long wanted to travel the world. He was able to afford trips with friends to Lebanon, India, Estonia, and Argentina, where he experienced other cultures and ways of life. Reflecting on these experiences, he said: "I was feeling just optimism and positivity in the air in these cities, that I found, frankly, missing when I would go back," adding, "Maybe there’s something else out there."
He started his own company in 2015 because he wanted more time to travel. Since he could work from anywhere, he left the United States and spent several months exploring different countries. His journey began in Lisbon and then took him to Cartagena, Colombia. In April 2016, he moved on to Medellín. Upon arriving, he felt something change inside him.
What happens when we fall hard for a place
After his visit, Medellín stayed on his mind. He kept replaying his memories of the city, which made him want to go back. When he returned, he felt the same way he did the first time: something changed inside him. Once more, he could experience the people, smells, sights, and sounds of Medellín in person, rather than reconstructing them in his mind. When that second visit ended, he says, he felt an "overwhelming sense of sadness and longing."
Why leaving a place can feel like loss
That sadness and longing Jason felt when he had to leave Medellín is difficult for anyone to fully explain. People going through the first stage of cognitive immobility, called awareness/separation, often talk about feeling the same way. " They begin to realize their lives have changed, possibly forever ."
This stage begins when people notice the stress, loss, longing, and anxiety that come after leaving a place they feel strongly connected to or stuck in. “This is the stage of uncertainty and confusion when someone discovers that they cannot stop thinking about or longing for life experiences or places they have left behind. ”
People often move quickly from awareness/separation to the second stage, called retrieval. This stage is usually the hardest emotionally. Here, people try to deal with feeling trapped by reliving the past or by trying to get back what they have lost, whether it is an experience, a person, a place, or an object. If they cannot go back in person, they revisit those memories in their minds.
Others may seek comfort in different ways. "Maybe they comfort themselves by wearing college memorabilia or scrolling through old photos from school. Yet, when unconscious remembering sets in, the mental journey becomes stressful." Cognitive immobility can leave people emotionally drained , harm their mental health, and contribute to anxiety, depression , and insomnia .
It seems that Jason entered the retrieval stage after his last visit. His sadness and longing grew so intense that he decided to "cut ties" with his life in San Francisco. "He sold his apartment and bought a property in the neighborhood of Castropol in Medellín’s El Poblado district."
He now says his happiness levels go "off the charts" when he's in Medellín.
People who reach the second stage and have enough emotional, social, and financial support may eventually move into the third stage, called stabilisation. At this stage, they stop focusing on reliving or reclaiming what they have lost. Instead, they try to retain values and pursue goals to help them with the loss, alleviating the sense of entrapment.
Because Jason felt cognitively entrapped by Medellín, relocating permanently may have helped him manage the loss, sadness and longing he experienced whenever he left the city. It may also have offered him a way to ease the mental pull that kept drawing him back.
Sometimes, the places we leave behind stay with us, shaping what we miss, what we look for in life, and where we feel at home. Understanding our feelings and their sources can help us know ourselves better and make better choices about where we belong.
Olumba, E.E. (2023) ‘The homeless mind in a mobile world: An autoethnographic approach on cognitive immobility in international migration’, Culture & Psychology , 29(4), pp. 769–790.
Olumba, E.E., Gola, A. and Mfon, L.E. (2024) ‘Trapped in time and place: Cognitive immobility among diaspora communities’, Diaspora Studies , 18(1), pp. 57–78.
Swaim, E. (2022) ‘Feeling stuck in the past? Experts are starting to explore how this mindset could affect your health.' businessinsider.com/reference/cognitive-immobility, accessed 22 May 2026
Share this post Facebook Bluesky Linkedin Email
There was a problem adding your email address. Please try again.
By submitting your information you agree to the Psychology Today Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy
Ezenwa Olumba, Ph.D., is an expert in identity, memory, and immobility who introduced the concepts of cognitive immobility and aerial colonialism.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.
This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.