Why Socializing Is Taxing for Both Introverts and Extroverts
Social interaction is labor intensive, and knowing why is key to optimizing it.
Posted May 20, 2025 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma
I recently attended a multi-day music festival with some friends, and afterward slept for two hours on the drive home, 11 hours that night, 12 the next, and took several long naps during the following days.
Socializing is labor-intensive, whether you like it or not. And it’s inherently stressful , whether you’re an introvert, an extrovert, or, like me, an ambivert—and whether the social event is a music fest, an intimate dinner party, or a date. And it’s easy to see why it’s taxing when you look at what’s going on in most social interactions. Like pond water under a microscope, they’re teeming with invisible activity.
Socializing requires a kind of mental multitasking, in which your brain is working hard to focus on conversation and hold up your end of it, tune out distractions, decipher body language and facial expressions, process information, interpret meaning, formulate responses, and manage whatever social anxieties you bring to the game.
You might also be muscling your way through awkward silences, stiff hugs, small talk, misunderstandings, the rigors of impression management , maintaining (or feigning) interest in others, and the struggle to either get a word in edgewise or find an exit strategy altogether. And this is assuming you can even hear conversation over the kind of ambient noise typical of a party, music fest, restaurant, or bar.
Burnout is not just a vocational hazard; it’s a social one as well. And it can impact any of us. A recent study at the University of Helsinki found that people reported higher levels of fatigue two to three hours after socializing, whether they were introverts or extroverts .
However, it’s fair to say that you’re more likely to suffer social fatigue if you’re an introvert, an empath , a shy or highly sensitive person (HSP), or you’re among what’s called the neurodiverse , including those with ADHD , autism , or learning disabilities, who may simply have less social carrying capacity than others. These are people who are more likely to become exhausted by socializing rather than energized like extroverts. Extroverts are solar-powered rather than battery-powered, meaning they gain energy by being out and about, whereas introverts have to go inside and within to recharge.
It’s important to remember, though, that no—one is just one or the other. We’re all on a sliding scale between the two. And for any given individual, where you land on the introvert/extrovert scale is very relative. In my marriage , I was the extrovert. In my present relationship, I’m the introvert.
And it’s not that introverts or HSPs are less sociable than extroverts, just differently sociable. They both need intimacy , says Susan Cain in Quiet , her bestselling book about the benedictions of introversion , but introverts are wired with the idea that “one new honest-to-goodness relationship is worth ten fistfuls of business cards.” Extroverts, she adds, don’t necessarily seek closeness from their socializing, as much as social impact.
But we all possess a primitive part of the brain called the amygdala, tasked by evolution with assessing stranger danger, the intentions and trustworthiness of others, and the fight/flight/freeze response. And it’s the amygdala that, at some level, sees a roomful of strangers at a cocktail party as a potential threat, reacting to it with vigilance and social anxiety , whether you’re aware of it or not, and whether your default social posture is friendly and talkative, quiet and withdrawn, hovering at the food table, or watching the proceedings from an observation deck on the couch.
One part of you may be having a blast—and none of this is to suggest that socializing isn’t a blast under the right circumstances—but another part of you is keeping its guard up and its trigger finger hovering over the fight-or-flight button. And it should come as no surprise that holding up defenses for hours is a kind of physical labor, and it’s draining . At its extremes, it’s debilitating. Years ago, I met a woman who told me that she never let her husband see her without makeup; in fact, she woke up half an hour before him every morning to reapply it. She never let her guard down, never stopped keeping up appearances. How exhausting would that be?
Feeling self-conscious, of course, speaks to our anxiety about what other people think of us, which tends to have a self-limiting effect on our behavior, or an exaggerating, over-compensating effect. Some studies have shown that simply knowing you’re being watched can have a strangulating effect on authenticity and creativity , though studies on what’s called the spotlight effect tell us that people notice us about half as much as we think they do. Most people aren’t all that concerned with you; they’re more concerned with what you think of them .
Granted, humans are social creatures, and social connection is generally good for your health and happiness , but, as Cain writes, “The secret….is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some, it’s a Broadway spotlight; for others, a lamplit desk.” In other words, it’s critical to know what kind of socializing works best for you, why you socialize, whose company fills your cup and whose drains it, and what your signals of sensory overload look like—and make choices accordingly.
It’s also important to know your limit for socializing (two hours, four hours?), how much downtime you need between social engagements, and what sort of downtime regenerates your batteries, helping you reconnect with your desire for relatedness.
Finally, know when to quit while you’re ahead. Leave the party when you’re at 70 percent, not when you’re running on fumes, and get comfortable with occasionally making what's called an “Irish exit”—leaving the party without saying goodbye. Just take care of yourself and go! It’s terrifically liberating, and you can send your host a thank-you note when you get home.
Sociable behavior is related to later fatigue: moment-to-moment patterns of behavior and tiredness. S. Leikas. Cell Press. 2020
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Gregg Levoy is the author of Vital Signs: The Nature and Nurture of Passion (Penguin) and Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life (Random House).
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.