Why Kids Are So Hard
It’s not often obvious, but there’s always a reason behind challenging behavior.
Updated January 13, 2026 | Reviewed by Tyler Woods
Parenting kids is so challenging because kids have big feelings, and they express these big feelings with big (i.e., challenging) behaviors.
These feelings are usually complex.
For example, your child is not just mad, but also jealous , sad, and a little guilty that their brother, who is sick, is getting lots of attention .
So, they drop the digital thermometer in the toilet, they give your houseplants a “haircut,” or they have a screaming fit while their brother tries to nap, all of which understandably makes you furious, weary, and impatient.
Which makes them feel ashamed and scared, so they act out based on these new, big feelings.
Which leaves you wondering how you’ll ever get through this.
The solution is both simple and very difficult. It boils down to understanding the nuances of your child’s feelings, which are rarely obvious. If you can decipher what your child is feeling, then all their crazy behavior starts to make sense.
Because young kids can’t tell us how they feel, they show us through their behavior. The challenge is deciphering this behavior to understand their complex and nuanced feelings.
(For a more in-depth look at how to do this, check out the post, “ A Key Technique Therapists Use to Figure Out Kids . ”)
While we can’t change how kids feel, we can change how we respond to their feelings , rather than their behavior .
In other words, rather than saying, “Stop nagging me to play with you [reacting to behavior] . You know your brother is sick, and I have to make him some toast!” we can say, “I know it’s hard seeing your brother getting so much attention. I know you’re mad, and maybe sad, too [responding to feelings] . After I make him toast, I can sit with you.”
Why naming emotions is so important
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Evan Shopper, LICSW, is a therapist, writer, and parenting educator in Western Massachusetts.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.