Why Highly Sensitive People Need the "Opposite Action" Skill
How doing the opposite of what you feel can lead to real emotional relief.
Posted September 18, 2025 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader
Last week, I was driving home after a particularly long day of client sessions, feeling quite down due to some of the brutal stories that had been shared. My favorite podcast The Daily , usually a welcome distraction from the LA gridlock, was discussing preventable measles deaths, making me feel even more lost and hopeless. Inching forward, the tragic cause of the traffic revealed itself—a nasty three-car pileup. When I finally dragged myself through my front door, ready for the day to be over, I was greeted by my loving wife and daughter, but had very little energy to reciprocate.
My sadness was steering the ship, telling me to slurp down a bowl of sugary cereal and go hide from them (and the world) under my covers, blinds drawn. But, before succumbing to this urge, I paused, and remembered a skill I’ve learned for managing my emotions called “opposite action.” Instead of listening to the impulse to pull away, I did a mental 180 and blurted out, “Who wants to dance to Shaky Shaky ?” I hit play on the speakers and an impromptu dance party to my daughter’s favorite song broke out. Suddenly, I wasn’t feeling so sad!
Despite my success in this instance, it is often very challenging to use opposite action. This is because, as an HSP, I experience my world more acutely. HSPs know that our deep thinking and intense emotions can sometimes get the best of us; however, in this post, I will teach you how to integrate opposite action into your daily life, even when it feels hard to do.
What Is the DBT Skill Opposite Action?
To put it simply: opposite action is doing the opposite of what your emotions tell you to do.
Opposite action is an evidence-based tool from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), a treatment modality that helps clients improve relationships and regulate emotions. In general, DBT helps HSPs manage intense feelings, set boundaries , and stay in the present moment.
Applied correctly, opposite action will decrease the intensity of an unwanted feeling. Emotions are complex processes that include a pull to behave in a specific way, or an “action urge.” For example, when we are sad, that sadness tells us to isolate. When we are anxious , we feel the desire to avoid. When we are angry, we feel pulled to lash out.
When we obey those emotional commands, we often end up feeling more of that unwanted emotion . We find ourselves stuck in a feedback loop: I feel sad → I stay in bed and isolate → I feel even more sad → I stay in bed even longer. And so on and so on, ad infinitum.
If we remember to do the opposite of the action urge, we can often change our emotional experience and escape that dreaded downward spiral.
Opposite Action in DBT: How It Worked For Me
Let’s revisit the example I shared at the beginning of this post. Had I not remembered opposite action, I almost certainly would have made things worse for myself. Going to bed distressed, I would have only ruminated on the events of the day, growing more and more miserable. That would spawn guilt about not spending time with my family, which would add to my frustration, making me burrow even deeper into my despair.
On that night, however, I was able to apply a skill and avoid that outcome by pausing to ask myself four questions:
In this case, I was feeling sad, and my sadness was insisting I isolate. The opposite of isolation is connection. The result? I connected with my wife and daughter by dancing.
Here are some examples of “opposite” choices.
Using Opposite Action to Cope With Emotional Overwhelm as an HSP: Start Small
As an HSP therapist, I know that it can be extremely challenging (if not seemingly impossible) to use this skill. HSPs live with an emotional world that is bigger, deeper, and more overwhelming than most; as a result, it is easier said than done to just flip a switch and “do the opposite” of an intense feeling.
However, HSPs actually have some advantages at play that can make us better practitioners of Opposite Action. We are typically more emotionally attuned and able to identify our feelings. We can catch those emotional commands earlier and redirect them more effectively.
It’s quite the paradox. HSPs often have a harder time deploying opposite action, and, at the same time, HSPs are uniquely primed for its use. If we can overcome its challenges using our strengths and implement the skill when needed, the juice will be worth the squeeze.
In practice, I encourage you to start small. Choose to use opposite action within a context that does not elicit intense emotions, such as choosing to connect with your partner (opposite action) when your anger tells you to be short with them. When you see how this skill can be effective with the “small stuff,” you will gain more confidence to use it when experiencing more intense emotions.
After a decade of practicing psychology and trying countless therapeutic techniques myself, I am confident that opposite action is the most versatile and useful skill I have encountered. The steps are simple (though not always easy), applicable across varied situations, and—most importantly—they work.
Carroll, S., & others. (2025). Flourishing as a highly sensitive person: a mixed-method study. Frontiers in Psychology , 16. Frontiers
Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training manual (2nd ed.). New York, NY: Guilford Press.
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Mary Kate Roohan, Psy.D., is a licensed psychologist and drama therapist and the founder of Thrive and Feel, a therapy practice that supports clients in managing emotional sensitivity.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.