Why Grant Troutt Calling Spanking 'Hilarious' Is a Red Flag

A trauma-informed lens on Madison Prewett and Grant Troutt’s stance on spanking.

Posted August 2, 2025 | Reviewed by Margaret Foley

Let’s begin here: If you say that spanking your child is hilarious , you’ve already left the Bible, and child development research, behind.

This week, Bachelor alum Madison Prewett and her husband Grant Troutt sparked widespread backlash after saying they plan to spank their infant daughter “in a loving way.” That’s a phrase I’ve written about before and challenged. There is no way to spank in a truly loving way. (For more on how I demonstrated that, click here .)

But it was Grant’s additional remark that got my attention : “It’s going to be hilarious when we start spanking Hosanna.”

That sentence shook me.

Because nothing about inflicting physical pain on a child should ever be described as hilarious . If anything, it should break your heart. And if it doesn’t, if the very idea of inflicting pain on a small, vulnerable child makes you laugh, I have to wonder: What kind of pain did you experience that made you think it would be funny?

Spanking Isn’t Biblical. Not Even Close.

Let’s talk about the verse so often quoted in these conversations: “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” First of all, that quotation is actually from a poem. The true verse says, "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves them is careful to discipline them" (Proverbs 13:24).

The “rod” mentioned in Biblical Hebrew isn’t a baton or a cudgel. It’s a shepherd’s staff, a long wooden stick with a crook at the end. Shepherds didn’t beat their sheep. They guided them gently, nudging them away from danger and back onto the path. The crook was there to pull a wandering lamb close, not strike it. That’s why Psalm 23 says, “Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Not hurt. Comfort .

To “spare the rod” doesn’t mean to withhold hitting. It means to withhold guidance. The verse isn’t an endorsement of spanking; it’s a call to responsible, relational leadership .

My Concern for Baby Hosanna

When I read that Madi and Grant plan to spank their daughter, Hosanna, who is currently 6 months old, my reaction wasn’t judgment. It was sorrow.

As a trauma psychologist and the author of Post- Traumatic Parenting , I’ve spent 27 years studying what happens when unresolved pain gets passed down through harsh punishment . Sometimes it looks like hyper-control. Sometimes, like yelling. Sometimes, tragically, like laughter at another’s pain, because that’s what you learned to do when you were hurt.

And sometimes, it looks like deeply loving parents, trying to do their best, reaching for the tools they were handed, tools that break rather than build.

I don’t know Grant’s story. But calling physical discipline “hilarious” doesn’t sound like someone rooted in confidence and calm. It sounds like someone reenacting something too painful to look at directly. Humor can be a brilliant trauma shield. But in parenting, that shield can become a sword.

True Discipline Starts With Self-Discipline

Madi, to her credit, struck a more serious tone. She spoke about spanking as something done lovingly, calmly, even regretfully. That distinction matters. But it still misses the mark.

The phrase “I spank out of love” is one I’ve heard from countless parents. I don’t doubt their sincerity. But discipline isn’t about intentions, it’s about outcomes . And the research is clear: Spanking doesn't produce long-term obedience, emotional regulation , or moral internalization. It produces fear . Shame . And often, long-term harm. (For more on research about spanking, click here and here .)

In an earlier blog post, I wrote about an incident in one of my Post-Traumatic Parenting classes, where a mom said she believes she only spanks her children out of love. Since I couldn’t dissuade her, I set up an experiment. I asked her to write down every time she believes she should spank her child, wait 24 hours, and if she still believes spanking is the best way to handle it, she could spank her child then. After a week, she reported that she didn't spank her child once that week. Let that sink in. Not even once. When she was calm, spanking didn’t seem to be the best option. I hated that we had to perform that experiment—but it was the only way to convince her. (Click here for that story.)

In my book, Post-Traumatic Parenting, I teach a model I call R² Parenting : Responsive and Responsible . That means showing up for your child with emotional attunement and developmental insight and setting firm, loving boundaries . You absolutely can, and should, do both. (Want more alternatives to spanking? Click here and here .)

If It Makes You Laugh, It Isn’t Discipline

Let’s be clear: If spanking your child is a punchline, it’s not discipline. If it’s funny to you, it’s not coming from self-control . If it’s hilarious, it’s not loving. And it is certainly not Biblical .

Parenting isn’t a game. It’s a sacred trust. And the moment a child is born, we’re given a unique chance, not just to raise someone else, but to heal ourselves. That’s the heart of post-traumatic parenting.

If Madi and Grant are serious about raising Hosanna with love, I hope they learn what true discipline means. It isn’t about punishment. It’s about guidance, structure, and presence. I hope they learn that all discipline starts with self-discipline. And controlling our anger and our momentary impulses is the heart of self-discipline.

And maybe, just maybe, it starts with the kind of humility that says: The tools I was handed might hurt more than they help. I’m ready to put them down.

Gershoff, E. T. (2002). Corporal punishment by parents and associated child behaviors and experiences: A meta-analytic and theoretical review. Psychological Bulletin , 128(4), 539–579. https://doi.org/10.1037//0033-2909.128.4.539

Cuartas, J., Weissman, D. G., Sheridan, M. A., Lengua, L., & McLaughlin, K. A. (2021). Corporal punishment and elevated neural response to threat in children. Child Development , 92(3), 821–832. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.13565

Gershoff, E. T., Lee, S. J., Lee, J. Y., Chang, O. D., & Taylor, C. A. (2025). Spare the dog, hit the child: Preliminary findings regarding parents’ beliefs about spanking and hitting children. Psychology of Violence, 15 (1), 76–84. https://doi.org/10.1037/vio0000535

Sege, R. D., Siegel, B. S., & the Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, and Committee on Child Abuse and Neglect. (2018). Effective discipline to raise healthy children. Pediatrics, 142 (6), e20183112. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2018-3112

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Robyn Koslowitz, Ph.D. , is a licensed school psychologist and clinical psychologist at the Center for Psychological Growth of New Jersey.

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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.