Why Divorce Can Lead to Sibling Cutoffs and Parental Alienation
Disrupting familiar patterns, divorce can disrupt all family relationships.
Posted April 22, 2026 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
A significant risk factor for family estrangement is divorced parents. The breakup of a marriage , which is primarily a matter between spouses, ripples throughout the broader family.
Among the most profound yet under-acknowledged consequences of divorce is the estrangement of siblings and the alienation of parents from children. Divorce disrupts the familiar patterns of family life.
"Estrangement in divorce is often silent and obscured, many times due to legal narratives or loyalty binds," says Christine Droney, a licensed social worker providing psychotherapy to adults in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. "It is a form of disenfranchised loss where the grief is very real, but rarely named or supported."
Children are often caught in the crossfire of separating parents. Their lives — physical arrangements and emotional landscapes — change drastically, perhaps suddenly, when they live in two different households. Siblings spend less time together, with fewer opportunities to bond.
A 2018 study published in the Journal of Family Issues found that children of divorced parents are twice as likely to report distant or conflicted relationships with their siblings as compared to children from intact families.
“Children are of the marriage, not in the marriage,” says Droney. “They don’t fully know what happened, but they get collateral damage.”
Statistics from the Pew Research Center indicate that nearly 40 percent of children whose parents are divorced report feeling less close to a sibling post-divorce, for a variety of reasons. One child may be loyal to one parent, while another child sides with the other parent, or with neither. Each child may struggle with the logistical challenges of shared custody. A child’s own resentments, about the divorce itself or its fallout, can result in reduced communication, avoidance, or even outright hostility toward a sibling.
"Divorce doesn't just separate spouses,” explains Joshua Coleman, a psychologist and author specializing in family estrangement. "It can separate siblings who rely on each other for emotional support. The loss of the family unit can make siblings feel isolated or even resentful if they perceive unequal treatment or blame."
Divorce also can drive a wedge between parents and their children, as demonstrated by a shocking statistic from a survey by Coleman: Roughly 70 percent of estranged adult siblings are children of divorced parents.
In some cases, children may blame one parent for the divorce or feel pressured to take sides. A 2021 survey from the American Psychological Association found that 28 percent of adults who experienced parental divorce as children reported long-term estrangement from one or both parents.
Psychologist and researcher Richard Warshak has found that parental alienation affects about 15-20 percent of divorced families, with consequences that can last decades. The problem is more pronounced for fathers. Research finds young adults cut off from their fathers at a rate of 26 percent, compared to 6 percent with mothers. Young women have somewhat higher rates of estrangement from fathers and mothers. "Divorce can create a situation where children feel forced to choose,” Warshak explains, “leading to feelings of guilt , anger and, ultimately, estrangement."
Clinical social worker Christine Droney finds that children of divorce often suffer from disenfranchised grief and ambiguous loss. “Grief comes into my office,” she says. “The adult children often are mourning the family they wish they could have had. They say, ‘I hate that my parents fought. I was caught in the middle. I don’t hear, ‘I don’t love my parents.’ I hear, ‘I have so much love for my parents, but I have anxiety being around them.’”
One bright spot is that, while an average estrangement can last for years, more than 80 percent of mothers and 60 percent of fathers eventually reconcile with adult children.
Long-term effects of divorce
The effects of estrangement can be long-lasting and profound. Individuals who experience family estrangement after divorce are at higher risk for depression , anxiety, and issues with self-esteem . A 2020 analysis published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that adults estranged from siblings or parents reported lower life satisfaction and increased feelings of loneliness .
Estrangement also can carry over to future relationships. People who grow up in families with estrangements may struggle to find trust, intimacy , and conflict resolution in their own friendships and romantic partnerships. Divorce can even reach into the next generation as an inherited estrangement between grandparents and grandchildren. Faced with a fractured family structure, some members abandon it partially or altogether, feeling safer with a "chosen family" of friends or non-biological relatives.
Long-term effects of living in a marital war zone
It’s certainly true, however, that living in a domestic battle zone can have an even worse outcome than divorce. “It is most likely marital discord that has a greater effect on intergenerational relationships than actual divorce,” Kylie Agllias writes in Family Estrangement: A Family Perspective . “Marital conflict has been repeatedly shown to disturb functioning of the automatic nervous system .”
Children raised in high-conflict homes face long-term risks including chronic anxiety, depression, poor relationship skills, and lower academic achievement. Chronic exposure to marital discord impairs emotional regulation and can even cause lasting changes in brain development, leading to emotional distress in adulthood and social withdrawal.
As adults, children raised in war-zone homes may replicate the high-conflict patterns they witnessed. Or they may become overly avoidant of any disagreement. However, ending a high-conflict marriage in divorce may reduce the child’s exposure to arguments, improving the child’s general well-being.
Estrangement is not inevitable in divorced families. Here are some suggestions to help prevent cut-offs and foster healing:
Engage in family therapy to understand the child’s perspective and address the root causes of divides in the family.
Be accountable by acknowledging and taking responsibility for the child’s pain without defensiveness—and by apologizing for specific actions.
Respect boundaries and move at the child or adult child’s pace.
When divorcing , parents of any age should be mindful of prioritizing the emotional well-being of their children.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory .
Lee, Dohoon, and McLanahan, Sara. Family Structure Transitions and Child Development: Instability, Selection, and Population Heterogeneity. Am Sociol Rev 2015;80:738‐63. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27293242/
Amato, P. R. (2000). The consequences of divorce for adults and children. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4), 1269-1287.
Lansford, J. E. (2009). Parental divorce and children’s adjustment. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 4(2), 140-152.
Agllias, K. (2017). Family Estrangement: A Matter of Perspective, Routledge, London and New York.
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Fern Schumer Chapman is the author of books including Brothers, Sisters, Strangers and The Sibling Estrangement Journal. She offers private, one-on-one coaching sessions to those who struggle with sibling estrangement issues.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.