What Counts as Cheating in Relationships Today?
New research finds that modern definitions of infidelity are many and varied.
Posted August 26, 2025 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma
What counts as cheating to you? For example, if your partner flirted with someone else, would you consider that to be a form of infidelity ? What if they followed or interacted with someone attractive on social media ? Or how about if they shared some of their deepest secrets with another person?
Different people may answer these questions in very different ways because not everyone shares the same definition of cheating. Broadly speaking, however, infidelity can be thought of as any behavior that violates a commitment, agreement, or boundary within a romantic relationship .
So, which specific behaviors represent cheating to most people today? Let's take a look at findings from The State of the US: National Study of Modern Love and Dating , a recent study conducted by the Kinsey Institute and DatingAdvice.com, which offers fresh insights into how people view infidelity . This study featured a demographically representative sample of 2,000 single American adults ranging in age from 18 to 91.
What Counts as Infidelity?
Participants were asked about several different behaviors and whether or not they constituted infidelity if their partner engaged in them. The graph below summarizes these results.
As you can see, there wasn't 100 percent agreement on anything; however, there was a pretty strong consensus that certain things constituted infidelity. For example, 84 percent indicated that having sex with someone else counts as infidelity, while 70 percent said the same of kissing another person.
Outside the realm of physical behaviors, things get murkier. Participants were almost evenly split over whether flirting with someone else or forming a deep emotional bond with someone else counts as cheating. In addition, about one-third of participants thought that buying gifts/meals for another person, fantasizing about someone else, or sharing secrets represented infidelity. In other words, infidelity isn't strictly seen as a physical thing—for some, infidelity can also be financial or emotional.
It's important to note that not everyone believes that engaging sexually with another person is cheating, and that's because not everyone wants or pursues monogamy . For people in sexually open relationships, cheating can still happen, but what constitutes infidelity will depend on the specific rules or boundaries established. For example, having sex with someone else might be OK, but maybe it would break the rules if they didn't disclose it or had sex without protection.
The Role of Technology in Infidelity
Technology has reshaped the modern dating landscape in many ways, including in terms of how we think about cheating. In this survey, participants were also asked whether several different technologically mediated behaviors would be perceived as cheating if their partner engaged in them. These results are summarized in the figure below.
There was pretty widespread agreement that sexting another person is a form of cheating; however, opinions were split over the remaining behaviors. For instance, nearly half (45 percent) of participants indicated that they would consider a partner sending money or gifts to a cam model as cheating, one-third indicated that they would consider sexting with an AI companion or chatbot as cheating, and one-fifth said that simply watching porn would represent infidelity.
It's also important to note that, for some, these technological behaviors might not be seen as full-blown cheating and, instead, may be seen as " micro-cheating ," or behaviors that stop just short of infidelity but still have the same effect of eroding trust or reducing intimacy. In other words, among those who don't technically consider these things to be cheating, this doesn't necessarily mean that they're completely comfortable with their partner pursuing these behaviors.
According to Kinsey Institute Research Scientist Amanda Gesselman, one of the co-authors of the study:
“These results challenge the way we’ve been thinking about digital behaviors. For example, interactions with cam models or with OnlyFans creators are often viewed as purely transactional. People simply paying for content, and that kind of exchange has become commonplace in our society. Similarly, the prevailing narrative around AI is that it’s providing us with something ‘sub-human’ or lower quality than what a human could produce—whether that’s in the context of work, school, or romance. However, our results show that modern daters see things differently. They recognize that these technologies can offer real benefits, including intimacy and support. For many, those benefits feel meaningful enough to pose a threat to their relationships.”
Overall, the findings from this study demonstrate that singles today have very mixed opinions when it comes to what actually counts as cheating in relationships. In light of this, it is important for people to start thinking more carefully about what their boundaries are, including their boundaries around emerging technologies, and communicate about them in their relationships.
There aren't necessarily any "right" or "wrong" answers here. What matters most is having the conversation and not simply assuming that your partner thinks about infidelity in the same way that you do.
Facebook image: Jan Faukner/Shutterstock
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Justin J. Lehmiller, Ph.D. , is a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.