What a Wasp in My Van Taught Me About Existential Dread
A Personal Perspective: The things we forget while managing fear.
Posted April 2, 2025 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan
On a sunny Tuesday afternoon, I listened to the radio as my van carried me to an appointment. Then I noticed my enemy. Perched on my rolled-up window stood an agitated wasp. She climbed up the window, buzzing. From my side eye, I guessed she was a paper wasp. My heart raced. What ought I do? I imagined her launching into attack if I rolled down the window, picturing the sting distracting me into a collision. If I pulled over, I'd be late. The creature, unfortunately, sits high on my list of fears.
If I had not noticed the insect, I may have been fine. Yet, hearing her hum reminded me of an imminent threat. A lot of fear is like that. We forget our most pressing concerns until they land right near our faces.
Uncertainty and fear of death are two prime examples. We can go through life pleasantly unaware of the many risks and realities — until a medical test comes back with concerning results or we are attending a friend's funeral. Suddenly, we remember how fragile life is and the materiality of death.
In the book, The Worm at the Core: The Role of Death in Life, Jeff Greenberg and Sheldon Solomon describe this dialectical relationship between life and death with an introduction to terror management theory .
Terror Management Theory
The designers of terror management theory almost certainly did not have in mind my wasp dilemma as they crafted their hypothesis. Yet, terror management theory postulates that we utilize a host of strategies to avoid the realization of our greatest fears.
One is self-esteem . According to terror management theory, we build these grand castles in our lives and images of our power to fight the reality that we are not invincible. By distracting ourselves with small worries and judgments, we can ignore the central ones concerning existential themes like life, death, and meaning.
Yet, just as my stingy guest did not care about my engagements for the day, death does not care about our self-worth. These defenses do little more than create a temporary buffer to get us through to the next moment. Just as my pulling over with panic ultimately led me away from my goal of arriving at my session on time, we can miss what matters in seeking these temporary escapes.
In contrast, a healthy respect for the impermanence of life can amplify our appreciation for it and the critical importance of making meaning in each day. We can learn from our fear and seek to live a good life, prioritizing what matters most to us now rather than waiting until something reminds us of our worries.
While I don't plan to befriend any wasps anytime soon, she taught me a short lesson about living courageously rather than managing terror. I am grateful for that.
Solomon, S., Greenberg, J., & Pyszczynski, T. A. (2015). The worm at the core: on the role of death in life. First edition. Random House.
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Jennifer Gerlach, LCSW, is a psychotherapist based in Southern Illinois who specializes in psychosis, mood disorders, and young adult mental health.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.