Use Affirmations to Drown Out Criticism

Reduce the impact of other’s negative comments with this simple technique.

Posted December 29, 2025 | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk

In today’s world, there are a lot of people who like to intensely criticize others while rarely taking responsibility for their own behavior. They often have traits of Cluster B ( narcissistic , antisocial, borderline, and histrionic) personality disorders , which tend to be “dramatic, emotional, or erratic” 1 and have strong associations with “domineeringness, vindictiveness, and intrusiveness.” 2 If you have to deal with such a person, either occasionally or every day, there is a simple way to minimize the impact of their negative words on you. This is a good technique to use when you are setting limits on someone and expect them to push back with criticisms of you, as we describe in our book SLIC Solutions: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2½ Steps. 3

First, come up with one (or two) short statement(s) affirming one or more of your positive qualities. Write it down to help you remember it. In our High Conflict Institute trainings, we call this an “encouraging statement” and help people practice it as described below. The idea is that you can give yourself such a statement anywhere, at any time. You want it to be simple and short, so you can remember it when you’re under stress . Also, keep it purely positive and not muddied up by comparing yourself to someone else or containing any negative words.

“I can get through this. I’ve done it before.”

“I’m a good mother (or father).”

“I’m a good student. No one has to be perfect.”

“I’m a good employee. I contribute a lot.”

“This too shall pass.”

“I’m good at managing my emotions and don’t have to react right now.”

“I don’t need to argue with this person.”

Second, practice saying this to yourself regularly. Some people post it on their bathroom mirror to remind themselves of this short, encouraging statement every day. Say it out loud a few times a day when there is no one around or when there are supportive people around.

If you know you are going into a situation in which someone will intensely criticize you (your “critic”), you can do “role-play” practice beforehand with a friend, family member, or therapist. Tell your practice person what criticizing comments you expect the critic to make to you. You can write these down or just verbally tell your practice person. Then, when you’re ready, have your practice person say these things to you as if they were the critic.

While they are saying these criticizing words, silently repeat and repeat your affirmation or encouraging statement to yourself. Don’t do this role-play practice longer than 30-60 seconds, as you want to build confidence without actually absorbing the negative words. You are likely to find that your own encouraging words were stronger in your brain than the criticizing words you were being told. This may have reduced the negative impact of those words on you, or you may have completely eliminated their impact on you.

Use Your Affirmation When Being Criticized

Third, when you are in the real situation where you anticipate being criticized, silently repeat your affirmation to yourself to drown out the negativity of the criticism. Try to have a calm expression on your face as the critic is talking and as you are saying your affirmation to yourself. Try to avoid appearing upset or ignoring them. Of course, you may need to say something after they have finished speaking because they will be expecting a response. But you can simply say, “I’ll have to think about that.” Or give a prepared response if you know what the other person is going to say. Or give some other calm response.

The main point here is that your own voice may be louder in your head than the critic’s voice, which can give you a sense of confidence and calm. If there is a real problem to solve, this can help you focus on thinking of solutions rather than feeling like you have to defend yourself.

This is a very simple technique that anyone can use anywhere. There is so much unnecessary criticism around these days that this can help you feel good about yourself, regardless of what others say. And if there is a real problem to solve, you can focus on solutions rather than getting emotionally hooked into arguing over the past.

American Psychiatric Association (APA): Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision. Washington, DC, American Psychiatric Association, 2022, 734.
Wilson S., Stroud, C. and Durbin, C. "Interpersonal Dysfunction in Personality Disorders: A Meta-Analytic Review," Psychology Bulletin , July 2017; 143(7): 677–734, 691.
Eddy, B. and Ricci, E. SLIC Solutions: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps. Unhooked Books, 2025.

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Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, is a lawyer, therapist, mediator, and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute in San Diego. He is the author of books including 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life and Our New World of Adult Bullies.

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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.