‘Trauma Bonding’ Might Not Be Quite What You Think
For some, the meaning of the reference to a toxic loop has changed.
Posted December 15, 2025 | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk
At the end of September, Malika Brittingham was arrested after falsely reporting an active shooter at Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst in New Jersey. She’d sent a text saying that she’d heard five or six shots and was “hiding with her co-workers.” After a lockdown and law enforcement response, Brittingham sheepishly admitted she’d made it up so she could “trauma bond” with her coworkers.
In other words, like combat soldiers in a foxhole, she thought they’d grow friendlier toward her after having shared a profound sense of fear for their lives. Prior to this, she'd felt ostracized.
Brittingham had misconstrued the meaning of trauma bonding . The phrase has traditionally referred to a bond that forms between a victim of abuse and the abuser, usually via a cyclical pattern of nasty and nice that keeps victims compliant. The loop might involve betrayal and apology , or punishment and reward, or abuse and affection. This strategy addicts victims to the periods of post-abuse relief. It’s also been called Stockholm syndrome.
Still, Brittingham wasn’t wrong. Real bonds can form from traumatic situations. In 2018, Nikolas Cruz carried out a mass shooting in a high school in Parkland, Florida. He killed 17 and injured 18. Twenty surviving students formed an advocacy group for gun control, "Never Again MSD." They staged political protests and went on a bus tour to encourage young people to vote.
We can understand how a broad phrase like "trauma bonding " might encompass different types of experiences. I've seen the same confusion with participants in true- crime culture. They recognize how victims get sucked into cycles of abuse, and they set up assistance programs. However, many true crime fans also embrace Brittingham’s sense of the phrase: They form a community from sharing other people’s trauma.
Journalist Luke Winkle attended the Nashville-based CrimeCon in 2024. He hoped to understand why thousands of people were drawn to listening to crime victims discuss their suffering. Among the many guest speakers, the conference featured Gabby Petito’s parents, JonBenet Ramsey’s dad, Lori Vallow Daybell’s sister, and the daughter of the BTK killer, Kerri Rawson. They’ve all gained a large following on social media , and some have become CrimeCon regulars. Winkle watched them go on stage to rehash stories they’d told many times, as podcasters and news show anchors stood by to interview them.
“These victims flock to CrimeCon,” he wrote, “to make their bereavement public and consumable.” They pose for photos, sign autographs, and tolerate hugs from attendees who want to get close to them (often paying quite a lot for the privilege).
Joe Petito, Gabby’s father, told Winkle that he found it validating. “Everybody knows our story. But we’re here alongside other victims, to elevate them. And that’s how we always frame those sessions.” Sharing the pain and helping others offers him and his wife a sense of purpose.
Candice Cooley wasn't as positive. She’s Dylan Rounds' mother. Dylan, 19, had disappeared in Utah in May 2022. In June, a Dateline program, "Missing in America," featured the case. The chief suspect was James Brenner, a neighbor who’d occasionally helped Dylan on the farm he’d purchased with his grandfather. Brenner was a convicted felon. According to the probable cause statement, during the search for Dylan, deputies discovered a pair of his boots. One had a blood stain that included DNA from both Dylan and Brenner. Dylan’s phone records showed movement on the day he vanished toward where Brenner resided. His phone also held a video that showed Brenner with blood stains on his shirt. Dylan’s DNA was found on the shirt.
In 2023, before the case had resolved with a plea deal, CrimeCon invited Cooley to host a meet-and-greet session. Conference attendees could pay to get close to her for a limited time and ask about her experience. When Winkle interviewed her, she told him she’d found the arrangement awkward. “I had people coming up to me that I don’t know, telling me that they loved me, and they want to hug me, and that they love my son so much. I felt like a circus monkey. It’s like you’re put on display.”
Although "trauma bonding" effectively describes each of these experiences, it seems important to preserve the distinction. To apply the same label to the shared foxhole experience and the communal support for victims as that used for victim manipulation diminishes its impact for the latter.
CBS News. (2018, Feb. 18). Turning anger into activism: school shooting victims say ‘never again.’ https://www.cbsnews.com/miami/news/turning-anger-into-activism-school-s…
Winkle, Luke. (2025). The BTK Killer’s Daughter, Gabby Petito’s Parents, JonBenet’s Dad. In Preston, D. ed. The Best True Crime Stories of the Year 2025 . CrimeInk.
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Katherine Ramsland, Ph.D., is a professor of forensic psychology at DeSales University and the author of 69 books.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.