Toxic Positivity: How It Relates to Unhealthy Relationships
Five signs you are using toxic positivity as a coping tool.
Posted March 1, 2021 | Reviewed by Kaja Perina
Generally, positivity is considered a good thing. However, there are situations where always looking for the positive creates a potentially negative, dangerous, and even self-destructive scenario.
" Toxic positivity " is a new term for a pervasive issue. It is the belief or the sense that no matter how bad a situation may be, it is critical to always focus on staying happy, positive, and upbeat. This is more than a "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" type of outlook. Instead, it is a falsely positive outlook that refuses to accept the very real issues and problems occurring in a relationship.
In unhealthy relationships, including in relationships with addicts, narcissists, and abusers, failing to see, recognize, and acknowledge the dysfunction and emotional and/or physical dangers of staying in the relationship is extremely unhealthy.
Signs of Toxic Positivity
Recognizing the signs of toxic positivity in yourself is critical. Often this behavior is learned from childhood and can be linked to dysfunctional parenting . In these situations, the child was rewarded for always staying happy and never complaining or commenting on negative issues. In this way, staying positive became an unhealthy coping mechanism that carried forward into other relationships as an adult.
Signs of toxic positivity include:
Tips for Balancing Toxic Positivity
Positivity is not a bad thing when it is balanced with an authentic emotional response to a situation. Learning to be comfortable and confident in expressing a full range of emotions, and not just the positive emotions, can be a challenge.
Some of the most effective strategies to reverse toxic positivity include:
It is possible to replace toxic positivity with a balanced emotional response. This change takes personal awareness, time, and practice. However, it is worth the effort to experience authentic emotional responses in all relationships.
To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory .
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Sherry Gaba, LCSW , is a licensed psychotherapist/author specializing in addictions, codependency, and underlying issues such as depression, trauma, and anxiety.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.