Tips to Cope With Bullies
Learn strategies to value your own needs and set limits with hurtful people.
Posted March 27, 2026 | Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer Ph.D.
Bullies want you to recognize how powerful they are. Caring people want you to see how powerful you truly are.
Many bullies have an “empathy-deficient disorder" (they are not capable of real empathy) and often show narcissistic , sociopathic , or psychopathic traits. They can be grandiose and arrogant while belittling others’ accomplishments or personal qualities. An ongoing theme in my book, The Genius of Empathy , is valuing your own needs and setting limits with destructive or otherwise hurtful or negligent people.
People who bully are notorious for targeting those they perceive as “different,” weak, or flawed, or unable to stick up for themselves. What do they want? Mainly, to have power over people (since deep down they feel powerless), which they get by denigrating and dehumanizing others.
What Motivates Bullying?
A few factors include fear of people’s differences, unresolved trauma , low self-esteem , a fragile ego, insecurity, and poor parental role modeling. Many bullies get pleasure from being cruel or seeking revenge . Unconsciously, someone who bullies can feel that if they make you wrong, inferior, or "weird," their hatred, anger , and poor treatment of you is justified. Denying your worth and getting their friends to scapegoat you (mob mentality) gives them control over you. Understanding this dynamic never justifies bullying behavior. It simply explains what motivates it and deadens their empathy. In psychiatric circles, this defense mechanism to manage fear and trauma is known as depersonalization, where someone makes another unrelatable or inhuman. To protect your empathy and peace of mind, practice the following seven strategies with bullies.
Tips to Cope With People Who Bully
Take time to have empathy for yourself and the hurt that being bullied has caused you. Assure yourself that you are committed to healing and to practicing self-love. Now and in the future, feel gratitude for the new you who is prepared to never again give your power away to anyone.
Committee on the Biological and Psychosocial Effects of Peer Victimization: Lessons for Bullying Prevention; Board on Children, Youth, and Families; Committee on Law and Justice; Division of Behavioral and Social Sciences and Education; Health and Medicine Division; National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine; Rivara F, Le Menestrel S, editors. Preventing Bullying Through Science, Policy, and Practice. Washington (DC): National Academies Press (US); 2016 Sep 14. 4, Consequences of Bullying Behavior. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK390414/
Catherine Bradshaw, PhD, (2015) Translating Research to Practice in Bullying Prevention, American Psychologist, https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/amp-a0039114.pdf
Share this post Facebook Bluesky Linkedin Email
There was a problem adding your email address. Please try again.
By submitting your information you agree to the Psychology Today Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy
Judith Orloff, M.D. , is an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA and the author of The Empath's Survival Guide.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.
This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.