The Sensitivity Paradox

Being a sensitive person can be tough, but it also brings great gifts.

Updated May 12, 2026 | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk

I was always a big, strong kid, but not a tough one. That was partly because my well-meaning father, who was a pacifist, essentially told me to turn the other cheek: "Just walk away," was his advice for handling bullies. Which was fine, but didn’t much help in the dog-eat-dog world of my primary-school playground. Being a big, sensitive boy made me a magnet for the gang of kids who terrorised me, making my 11th year a truly horrible one.

Throughout that awful, traumatic year, I hated my dad for giving me such terrible advice. And I hated my sensitivity, wishing I could be like those tough kids, who were always the bullies, never the bullied. Throughout my childhood , I longed to be something other than I was: harder, cooler, more confident. Not the insecure, introverted child and adolescent fate had deemed me to be.

As I trained in psychotherapy and began seeing clients, this jaundiced view of my sensitivity gradually changed. I came to welcome the gifts my highly sensitive brain and nervous system offered, as did those I was helping. But my eureka moment came when I first read The Highly Sensitive Person : How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, by Elaine Aron. 1 I vividly remember how I felt when reading this seminal book—that Aron was writing it just for me. I had never identified as a highly sensitive person (HSP) before reading it, but I certainly did from then on.

One of the things that struck me was that Aron describes high levels of sensitivity as a neutral and inherited trait, like having blue eyes or blonde hair. She estimates that around 20 percent of the population has a highly sensitive nervous system, like mine. This means that HSPs like me experience both interoceptive (internal) and exteroceptive (external) sensory information more intensely than most. For me, this means having a powerful sense of smell and struggling with loud noises, bright lights, uncomfortable clothing, and busy, crowded places—like playgrounds.

I also feel my emotions deeply and need downtime to process thoughts and feelings from the day. According to Aron, a further 20 percent of the population have elevated sensitivity, but are not HSPs. If you are a sensitive soul, it’s important to understand that this is primarily an inherited trait, so it is not something you can change, however much you might wish to. And that’s because sensitivity is still misunderstood and much-maligned by those who don’t understand it.

“Stop being so sensitive!” I have heard a thousand times. “Man up,” or “Stop being a sissy/weak/soft/so intense!” are other common insults. Like all largely inherited traits, sensitivity is not in our power to change, whatever our less-sensitive parents, partners, bosses, and friends might say.

Sensitivity: the good

I cover this in my new book, Heal Your Trauma: How to Overcome a Painful Childhood to Become Happy and Whole Again , 2 because it’s important to understand that your temperament, including your level of sensitivity, is crucial in determining how everything in your life affects you. As a highly sensitive, emotional child, adolescent, and young man, I was deeply affected by the school bullying , as well as other traumatic events I struggled through. If I had been granted my three wishes and magically transformed myself— poof!— into that thicker-skinned, more robust me I always longed to be, these painful events would not have affected me so deeply.

But, as I also explain in my book, reading Aron’s work—as well as that of other experts on sensitivity, such as Jenn Granneman and Andre Sólo, in their excellent book, Sensitive: The Power of a Thoughtful Mind in an Overwhelming World 3 — helped me realise my sensitivity was nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I now see it as a superpower!

Everything I do is enhanced by my sensitive nature. As a therapist, especially one specialising in complex trauma, my hypersensitive nervous system is highly attuned to my clients. I am able to pick up every nuance of their facial expression, body posture, voice tone, shifts in affect, and choice of language. As a thinker and writer, I am able to draw from my rich, intense experience of the world around me. I see, hear, smell, and feel things others do not (which is not always a good thing, especially on a noisy, smelly city street!).

None of this is to blow my own trumpet and say I am some kind of superior human because of my sensitive strengths. In fact, having spent my whole life feeling deeply ashamed of my sensitivity, I am just tipping the scales in the other direction. Feeling proud of myself has never come easy, especially given my introverted, shy nature. That’s why I have sought to reclaim my sensitivity, be proud of it, and grateful for its benefits.

If you are one of the 40 percent of humans who are more sensitive than most, I’m sure you have endured tough times, too. The world is not built for sensitive folks like us. But don’t despair. The more you own your sensitivity and realise it gives you precious and unusual gifts—like thoughtfulness, intuition , and attunement to other people and your environment—you can start turning shame into pride.

You are a miraculous, unique human being, and there is nobody quite like you in the eight billion other humans on this planet. And your sensitivity is a core part of what makes you, you. Own it. Take pride in it. Because you are worth celebrating, and those who matter see that in you.

Aron, E. N. (1999). The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You . London: Harper Collins.
Roberts, D. (2026). Heal Your Trauma: How to Overcome a Painful Childhood to Become Happy and Whole Again . London: Quarto.
Granneman, J. & Sólo, A. (2023). Sensitive: The Power of a Thoughtful Mind in an Overwhelming World. London: Penguin Life.

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Dan Roberts, MBACP, is a psychotherapist, writer and teacher who specialises in helping people heal from childhood trauma. He is the author of Heal Your Trauma: How to Overcome a Painful Childhood to Become Happy and Whole Again .

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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.