The Psychology of "Don’t Chase, Attract"
The surprising psychological science behind a trending spiritual mantra.
Posted April 28, 2025 | Reviewed by Devon Frye
If you spend time on social media , you’ve likely wandered into a corner of the internet where the “woo-woo” conversations happen. It’s the space where phrases like Mercury in retrograde, twin flame, and divine feminine float freely.
Those who linger long enough may encounter one mantra more than any other: "I don’t chase. I attract."
What does this mean? For proponents, it’s a reminder that we don't have to scramble after the life we want; we can cultivate the energy that naturally draws it toward us. According to certain spiritual traditions, everything—including ourselves—is energy. In this view, our emotional vibration acts like a magnet, drawing experiences that mirror the frequency we embody.
If you're skeptical by nature, you might wonder: Is “energy” just a comforting metaphor? Or is there something deeper at work—something, perhaps, that psychology can explain?
3 Frameworks That Help Explain "Don't Chase, Attract"
It turns out, psychology offers some surprising support for the idea behind "I don't chase, I attract," though it’s framed differently than what you’ll find on Instagram. From the way beliefs shape behavior to how emotions ripple outward and influence others, psychological research quietly echoes what spiritual wisdom has long taught: the energy we embody helps shape the reality we experience.
Let’s explore three psychological frameworks that illuminate how this works—and how understanding them can help us step into a more magnetic, empowered version of ourselves.
Framework 1: Self-Fulfilling Prophecy—Beliefs Shape Behavior
A self-fulfilling prophecy is a false belief that, through its influence on behavior, leads to its own fulfillment (Darley & Fazio, 1980; Harris & Rosenthal, 1985). When it comes to our energetic presence, self-fulfilling prophecies unfold in three stages:
Imagine Kate, who believes her emotions are a burden to others. To avoid being "too much," she represses her feelings in a new relationship. Over time, the unspoken emotions boil over, erupting unexpectedly. Caught off guard, her partner withdraws. Kate ends the relationship convinced, once again, that her emotions are the problem—when in truth, it was her fear of expressing them.
Instead of believing, My emotions are a burden , Kate could choose to embody beliefs like:
Shifting her internal narrative would allow Kate to show up with more openness and self-trust, inviting connection rather than rupture—and attracting relationships aligned with her true emotional worth.
Framework 2: Emotional Contagion—Energy Is Contagious
Humans are wired to mirror the emotions they perceive in others (Barger & Grandey, 2006; Hatfield et al., 1994). Emotional contagion evolved as a survival tool, helping early humans detect danger, foster connection, and synchronize group behavior. Simply put: Other people feel our emotions.
When we embody frantic, grasping, or self-victimizing energy, it's likely that others will instinctively sense it—and often pull away to protect their own emotional state. Conversely, when we radiate joy, confidence , and calm strength, we can become emotionally nourishing presences that people naturally gravitate toward.
We don’t have to chase connection when our energy invites others to feel safe, seen, and at ease.
Framework 3: Broaden-and-Build Theory—Positive States Create Expansion
Barbara Fredrickson’s "broaden-and-build theory" (2004) proposes that positive emotions do more than make us feel good; they expand our awareness, creativity , and capacity for connection. Emotions like joy, gratitude , and hope broaden our mindset, Fredrickson suggests, opening us to new ideas, opportunities, and relationships. Over time, this broadening builds internal resources like resilience , emotional strength, and social support.
In terms of attraction , this matters profoundly. When we live in expansive emotional states, we may naturally become more receptive to the people and opportunities that resonate with that energy. Someone grounded in authentic gratitude and hope is more likely to notice an unexpected opportunity, spark a meaningful conversation, or take a bold step forward—not through force, but through openness. Someone who is not in such an expansive state may reject them, or fail to notice them altogether.
What About Our Authentic Feelings?
A skeptic might say: This sounds like toxic positivity . And their caution would be warranted.
These frameworks are not invitations to bypass pain or slap a smile over suffering. To apply the lessons of "attract, not chase," we first must ground ourselves in a few critical truths:
When we commit to this deep emotional work , our energy can actually shift—not because we pretended our way into a better life, but because we earned it through authenticity and healing.
We Don’t Have to Chase What’s Already Running Toward Us
We all deserve a life aligned with our deepest dreams . We hold within us the ability to draw those dreams toward us through the beliefs we nurture, the energy we carry, and the expansiveness we allow. This can be difficult to trust—especially if life has repeatedly shown us reasons to doubt it. It's arguably even harder for women, who are often taught to shrink their energy, to be humble rather than proud.
But when we stop chasing and start embodying—when we let healing, hope, and wholeness radiate from within—we become unstoppable.
Barger, P. B., & Grandey, A. A. (2006). Service with a smile and encounter satisfaction: Emotional contagion and appraisal mechanisms. Academy of Management Journal , 49 (6), 1229-1238.
Darley, J. M., & Fazio, R. H. (1980). Expectancy confirmation processes arising in the social interaction sequence. American Psychologist, 35, 867–881.
Fredrickson, B. L. (2004). The broaden–and–build theory of positive emotions. Philosophical transactions of the royal society of London. Series B: Biological Sciences, 359 (1449), 1367-1377.
Harris, M. J., & Rosenthal, R. (1985). Mediation of interpersonal expectancy effects: 31 meta-analyses. Psychological Bulletin, 97, 363–386.
Hatfield, E., Cacioppo, J. T., and Rapson, R. L. (1994). “Emotional contagion,” in Studies in Emotion and Social Interaction (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press).
Smith, L. W., & Rose, R. L. (2020). Service with a smiley face: Emojional contagion in digitally mediated relationships. International Journal of Research in Marketing , 37 (2), 301-319.
Share this post Facebook Bluesky Linkedin Email
There was a problem adding your email address. Please try again.
By submitting your information you agree to the Psychology Today Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy
Amber Wardell, Ph.D. , holds a doctoral degree in cognitive psychology from the University of Memphis. Her latest book is Self-Care Potato Chips: How to Choose Nourishing Self-Care in an Empty Calorie Culture .
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.
This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.