The Parenting Trap With Comments About a Child’s Weight
Why family members' concern about a child's weight can sometimes make things worse.
Posted June 2, 2026 | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk
Hoping to be helpful, have you ever said something similar to the following to your kid, teen , or adult child?
If “yes,” you are so not alone. You are, in my opinion, part of a beautiful club of caring parents trying to make a positive difference and help their children feel good or safe in the world.
Our culture tends to pair and prioritize thinness and health—as if they are prized paths to reachable safety (e.g., from medical ailments and from bullying ). So it’s no wonder many well-intended parents and family members voice concern about a child’s weight or eating. They’re meaning to be helpful, but it boomerangs, becoming associated with increased risk for the very struggles and problems the family member was trying to prevent, such as disordered eating patterns including binge eating, body image struggles, emotional distress, and poorer coping outcomes (Hooper et al., 2021; Wu et al., 2026).
To show you what I mean, here’s a real-life example from my colleague, Jess Hudgens, LPC, LCMHC, ASDCS, NCC:
I had grown up hearing affectionate, if not teasing, comments about my eating patterns. I even took some pride in being referred to as “the human garbage disposal.” So I knew the comment about needing to watch what I ate as I grew older wasn’t malicious. It wasn’t even about me; it was a cautionary tale about someone my dad had gone to school with, a girl who was mocked for her weight. But that didn’t stop it from being my thought every time I walked into the kitchen from then on, or from the schoolyard taunt being the first thing my eating disorder screamed at me each morning when I woke up—even decades later.
Research has shown that expressing weight concern can land in ways similar to criticism or weight teasing (Herzebo & Thompson, 2006), and actual body size does not usually create immunity to the risks of experiencing weight stigma (Hooper et al., 2021; Lessard et al., 2021; Wu et al., 2026). Please do not shame yourself for what you thought would be supportive, enlightening, or corrective. Instead, realize that those kinds of comments may be experienced as criticism or weight-based judgment, depending on tone and recipient.
Children, teens, and adults often internalize what they believe weight comments and stereotypes mean about them, which is often referred to as internalized weight bias or “IWB.” Some examples of IWB I’ve heard throughout the years as a therapist and eating disorders specialist include “I’m disgusting… unlovable… a lazy loser… I have to work extra hard to be less gross.”
As if all that wasn’t enough for a parent or family member to tiptoe around, new research suggests that who expresses the concern, criticism, or teasing also seems to influence its impact.
Rather than treating “family” as one general influence, a 2026 study by Wu and colleagues examined how comments and teasing from specific relatives related to eating behaviors, body image, and internalized weight bias. The research included more than 1,000 participants from a wide range of racial and ethnic identities, ages 10-17 years. Highlights follow:
So how might your caring concern turn into their self-criticism?
While research continues to examine the mechanisms, we understand that weight-focused attention and stigma can increase preoccupation with food and body for some individuals (Levinson et al., 2024).
Research also consistently shows us that weight stigma—including anticipated and internalized weight stigma—is associated with disordered eating patterns (Levinson et al., 2024). Ironically, instead of their statement of concern leading to better habits and a “healthier” body, some parents end up facing consequences they never wanted—and neither did their child: more weight stigma; a more complicated relationship with food and body, and, for vulnerable individuals, increased risk of an eating disorder.
Parents already have so much to consider. I share the following as information, not pressure or judgment.
Weight concern, when expressed in weight-focused or critical ways, can backfire by intensifying patterns parents are hoping to prevent (Lessard et al., 2020). In this common double-bind situation, the best guidance I can offer is to shift the focus from weight to overall well-being, connection, developmental milestones, sustainable habits, movement the child genuinely enjoys, and especially emotional intelligence . These shifts often create a profoundly different outcome—one rooted more in trust, emotional safety, and sustainable well-being than fear or shame.
Herbozo, S., & J. Thompson, J. K. (2006). Appearance-related commentary, body image, and self-esteem: Does the distress associated with the commentary matter? Body Image, 3 (3); 255–262. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bodyim.2006.04.001 .
Hooper, L., Puhl, R., Eisenberg, M. E., Crow, S., & Neumark-Sztainer, D. (2021). Weight teasing experienced during adolescence and young adulthood: Cross-sectional and longitudinal associations with disordered eating behaviors in an ethnically/racially and socioeconomically diverse sample. The International Journal of Eating Disorders , 54 (8), 1449–1462. https://doi.org/10.1002/eat.23534
Levinson, J. A., Kinkel-Ram, S., Myers, B., & Hunger, J. M. (2024). A systematic review of weight stigma and disordered eating cognitions and behaviors. Body Image, 48 . https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bodyim.2023.101678 .
Lessard, L. M., Puhl, R. M., Larson, N., Simone, M., Eisenberg, M. E., & Neumark-Sztainer, D. (2021). Parental contributors to the prevalence and long-term health risks of family weight teasing in adolescence. The Journal of Adolescent Health: Official Publication of the Society for Adolescent Medicine , 69 (1), 74–81. doi: 10.1016/j.jadohealth.2020.09.034
Wu, R., Puhl, R. M., Lessard, L., Cardel, M., & Foster, G. D. (2026). Family sources of weight teasing and associations with adolescents' unhealthy eating behaviors, weight bias internalization, and body appreciation. Journal of Pediatric Psychology , jsag030. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1093/jpepsy/jsag030
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Alli Spotts-De Lazzer, MA, LMFT, LPCC, CEDS-S, is the author of MeaningFULL: 23 Life-Changing Stories of Conquering Dieting, Weight, and Body Image Issues.
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