The Need for a Meaningful Life as an Elder: A Modest Proposal
Senior living centers should include finding meaning in their mission.
Posted January 22, 2025 | Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer Ph.D.
In the US, the profusion of anti-aging products, youth-worshiping media, and cultural memes tell us that elders are losers—unable to make meaningful contributions to society. As a result, those in their seventies or eighties often experience what I might describe as an existential panic . After meaningful lives as able, strong, working people who helped neighbors, friends, children, and elders—elders toward whom they themselves may have been insensitive—they worry now that they are those elders. They worry that they will soon become irrelevant, unable to contribute, or that they might lose the ability to take care of themselves and be the ones who need help. They imagine others finding them to be nothing more than a burden, and wonder whether others might be happier or less burdened if they just disappeared. For those who have chronic, debilitating illnesses and do actually need help with many everyday tasks—and whose past meaning was derived from contributions as strong, working people—they wonder, "What now?"
In my scholarship on youth and violence, it became clear to me that virtually all youth want to make a real impact on the world, and that mentoring them and helping them to find avenues to contribute in a beneficial way to their families and to their world is a solid preventative measure. My observations of friends, family, and colleagues lead me to a similar conclusion in relation to society's elders. And research shows that having a meaningful or worthwhile life has many beneficial effects for elders. While it is unlikely that elders would become violent if blocked from contributing, it is not unlikely that they will become depressed, despondent, and even, in some cases suicidal .
Senior living facilities and senior centers try to provide antidotes to depression by having book groups, lectures, music classes, sing-alongs, movie nights, and social gatherings. Those things are fine, as far as they go, but in a core respect, they badly miss the mark. Seniors, like everyone at every age, want to have a meaningful impact on the world. A real one.
While connecting with three very different colleagues and loved ones who have moved to senior living facilities over the last few years, I have watched their search for meaning. One, who was in constant pain and had medical interventions daily, was very clear that he only wanted to live as long as he was continuing to make a contribution to society. An emeritus professor, he was able to continue his work as mentor, advisor, and scholar until the last days of his life. Another, an artist, continues his career remotely and in person, as much as possible, while providing support and assistance to family and friends in ways that he can. The third had a harder time recognizing that she needed to accept a changed life due to aging and diminished capacities for independence. She could not continue to contribute in the ways she did earlier. She was clinging to the idea that she was a healthy and strong person who did not need help, while others saw things differently.
It seems to me that confronting such a person with the reality of their infirmities is a last resort, and that real assistance would consist of supporting their journey to recognition of limitations and finding meaning in a realm where the person has ongoing capacities, whatever those might be. Mentors who have already traversed this part of the journey may help.
For those of us who continue our lives as usual—for however long that is possible—we might want to be prepared for aging and loss of independence by remembering that there are many ways to have a worthwhile and meaningful life, and that we can strive for that at any age and in any condition of health.
If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7 dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
The author is available to provide consultation to those who are seeking to develop or sustain meaningful lives in the face of aging and loss of capacities.
Steptoe, A. and Fancourt, D. (2019). Leading a meaningful life at older ages and its relationship with social engagement, prosperity, health, biology, and time use. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 116 (4) 1207-1212.
Erikson, E., Erikson, J. M, and Kivnick, H. Q. (1986) Vital Involvement in Old Age. NY: Norton.
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Alice LoCicero, Ph.D., is past president of the Society for the Study of Peace, Conflict and Violence, Division 48 of the APA.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.