The Mental Load: The Second Job Women Do at Work
How women navigate the hidden cognitive and emotional labor of work.
Posted May 21, 2026 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
The “mental load” is often discussed in the context of households and caregiving , but increasingly it is entering conversations about work as a form of labor that quietly shapes many employees’ daily experiences. The term mental load refers to the constant work of remembering, planning, anticipating, coordinating, emotionally managing, and relationship-building that runs silently in the background alongside formal job responsibilities. Though often invisible and unrewarded, it shapes how employees experience work, how leaders evaluate potential, and how women advance across career stages. Sociologist Leah Ruppanner argues that the burden stems not only from performing labor itself, but from the ongoing cognitive responsibility of anticipating needs, monitoring responsibilities, and ensuring things do not fall apart. Most jobs do not formally describe these demands. Yet for many women, they are part of work itself.
For example, before a woman even speaks in a meeting, she may already be making multiple calculations: Will confidence be interpreted as competence or arrogance? Should disagreement be softened to preserve likability? Will visibility help me professionally or make me a target?
These calculations reflect what psychologists often describe as the workplace “ double bind .” Women are frequently expected to demonstrate ambition and leadership while simultaneously maintaining warmth, modesty, and social sensitivity. Behaviors often rewarded in men, such as self-promotion , can produce interpersonal penalties when enacted by women. Research consistently supports this pattern. Studies have shown that women who openly self-promote are often judged more negatively than men displaying identical behaviors. Other research suggests that women are highly aware of these risks and strategically regulate their behavior accordingly. For example, recent work on even a simple everyday behavior such as compliment responses , found that women were more likely to strategically downplay themselves or respond modestly in ways that preserved warmth and social acceptance. Rather than simply reacting to backlash after it occurs, many women anticipate it in real time, becoming highly skilled at impression management and behavioral calibration.
Importantly, this monitoring extends beyond communication style alone. Even appearance can become cognitively demanding. Research on workplace appearance pressures suggests that women often navigate contradictory expectations surrounding beauty and professionalism, where appearing polished is expected, but appearing “too polished” can also elicit negative judgments from others. The same can be seen with the use of makeup.
Much of this effort reflects the broader social navigation and impression management required in professional environments. As a result, many women are simultaneously completing their work while also managing how both themselves, and the work will be perceived by others. Thus, they are taking on a second job while on the job by navigating workplace relationships, regulating emotions, monitoring social dynamics, and anticipating how their behavior will be interpreted.
For many women of color, these pressures have an added layer. Research on code-switching suggests that employees from marginalized groups often feel pressure to carefully regulate language, tone, appearance, emotional expression, or behavior to fit dominant workplace norms and avoid negative stereotypes.
Yet the mental load extends beyond self-presentation alone. In many workplaces, women are also expected to carry the emotional and relational infrastructure of organizations themselves. Women are frequently the ones attending to “office housework”: smoothing conflict after tense meetings, mentoring coworkers, onboarding new employees, checking in emotionally, maintaining morale, and helping teams function cohesively. Importantly, this “ social glue ” work often goes unnoticed precisely because successful relational management prevents disruption before it becomes visible. A woman who carefully de-escalates tension between coworkers or maintains team cohesion may simply appear “easy to work with,” while the cognitive effort behind that work disappears into the background. Research similarly suggests that women are more likely to become default coordinators, emotional managers, and relational stabilizers within groups.
Emerging research has begun referring to this pattern as the “ care tax ”—the expectation that women carry disproportionate amounts of emotional labor while receiving little formal recognition or reward for it. Organizational scholars have noted that women are often expected to provide emotional support, warmth, mentorship, and relational care in professional settings in ways that male colleagues are not, even when they hold similar roles or perform similar work.
Ironically, many of the skills involved in this form of labor are the very qualities organizations increasingly claim to value most . Research on leadership and workplace effectiveness consistently shows that empathy, emotional intelligence , collaboration , adaptability, and relationship-building are critical for effective management and long-term organizational success. Yet these abilities are often categorized as “soft skills,” historically coded as feminine and treated as secondary to technical expertise.
Yet because this labor is relational and difficult to quantify, it often remains invisible in evaluations, promotion structures, and job descriptions. Unlike many visible workplace tasks, the mental load is rarely something employees can fully “turn off.” Taken together, these dynamics may help explain why burnout persists even among highly capable and high-performing women. Burnout goes beyond workload or long hours. It can emerge from the chronic cognitive vigilance required to manage impression management, emotional regulation , code-switching, belonging, and interpersonal dynamics simultaneously alongside the work itself. Over time, the mental load may quietly shape who feels psychologically safe, who burns out, and ultimately, who stays.
Share this post Facebook Bluesky Linkedin Email
There was a problem adding your email address. Please try again.
By submitting your information you agree to the Psychology Today Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy
Krystal Duarte, Ph.D., is a psychologist researching how women perceive competitiveness in one another and how they sustain friendship, ambition, and collaboration.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.
This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.