The Harmful Myth of Holding Time-Sleeping Giants
Why forced attachment fails vulnerable children, and what they need instead.
Updated May 13, 2025 | Reviewed by Devon Frye
In her powerful work Sleeping Giants , René Denfeld writes about survival with an unflinching gaze, particularly when it comes to vulnerable children. Her books explore the resilience of those who have endured immense suffering, revealing both the damage inflicted by misguided interventions and the extraordinary strength of survivors. One such intervention, holding time, was a controversial practice once touted as a therapeutic approach to attachment disorders but has since been widely discredited due to its potential for harm.
Denfeld shares in Sleeping Giants that as a young mother, she first heard about holding time in the context of reactive attachment disorder (RAD), a condition sometimes diagnosed in children who have experienced severe neglect or trauma . The premise of holding time was based on a troubling belief: that forcing physical closeness—pinning a child down, making them maintain eye contact, even resisting their cries to be released—could somehow “reset” their attachment system. Instead of fostering trust, however, these coercive methods often retraumatized already vulnerable children, reinforcing a sense of powerlessness and fear .
Why Coercion Fails—and What Vulnerable Children Actually Need
For children with histories of neglect or abuse, forced physical closeness does not heal wounds; it deepens them. The very foundation of healthy attachment is choice—the ability to trust that a caregiver will respect one’s autonomy and emotional needs. For children who have experienced abuse, holding time replicates the power dynamics of their trauma, reinforcing fear rather than fostering security.
René Denfeld’s work often illuminates the complexity of survival, particularly how trauma shapes a child's inner world. In Sleeping Giants , her writing echoes what research has long confirmed: Children need safe relationships where they are given space to heal on their own terms, not forced into intimacy before they are ready. Healing happens through predictable routines, gentle connection, and an understanding that trust takes time.
Attachment is not something that can be imposed upon a child. It is something that must be earned. The best way to help children with attachment wounds is not through coercion but through patience, reliability, and emotional presence.
As Denfeld’s work reminds us, survival is a story of resilience, not compliance. We must advocate for approaches that honor a child’s right to safety, choice, and trust. Real love is never forced. And real healing begins with respect.
Chaffin, M., Hanson, R., Saunders, B. E., Nichols, T., Barnett, D., Zeanah, C., Berliner, L., & Miller-Perrin, C. (2006). Report of the APSAC Task Force on Attachment Therapy, Reactive Attachment Disorder, and Attachment Problems. Child Maltreatment, 11 (1), 76–89.
Purvis, K. B., Cross, D. R., & Sunshine, W. L. (2013). The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family. McGraw Hill. (Discusses TBRI and trauma-sensitive approaches to attachment.)
Denfeld, R. (2023). Sleeping Giants. HarperCollins. (Explores themes of trauma, survival, and resilience, though not a psychology text.)
American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). (2006). Policy Statement: Distinguishing Abusive from Non-Abusive Head Trauma.
AAP Statement on Attachment Therapy (Denounces coercive attachment interventions like Holding Time.)
American Psychological Association (APA). (2020). Understanding and Responding to Child Trauma.
APA Guidelines (Supports relational, trust-based interventions over coercion.)
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JoAnn Stevelos, MS, MPH, is a writer, public health expert, and advocate for children's well-being.
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