Talking With Your Asian Child About Microaggressions
A guide for parents and caregivers on handling microaggressions.
Posted September 12, 2025 | Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer Ph.D.
Co-Authored by Mary Shen and Eugene Beresin.
Your child is managing tasks like engaging in academics, joining clubs, playing sports, enjoying hobbies, and making friends. However, their experience may be impacted by microaggressions , which are subtle ways that make them feel they don’t belong. While you may be familiar with macroaggressions, which are overt intentional acts of aggression (i.e., racial slurs), microaggressions are comments and behaviors that may not intend harm and are often implicit but reinforce the feeling of being an outsider. The effects of these actions can build up over time, akin to “death by a thousand paper cuts,” leading to a significant harm to your child. Here are some examples of microaggressions:
As a parent who grew up in an Asian country, these comments might feel like “small things,” or even compliments. But microaggressions have real-life consequences. Research has demonstrated microaggressions, and other forms of discrimination , are linked to depression, social alienation, and poor academic performance , as well as increased suicidal ideation . These findings are especially concerning, given that suicide is the leading cause of death for Asian youth .
In light of these findings, parents need to understand the serious mental health risks of microaggressions. Ignoring microaggressions doesn’t make your child “stronger.” In fact, it only leaves your kids to face them alone. Together, you and your child can collaborate to foster prevention, early intervention and coping mechanisms.
We all need to be aware of microaggressions. Let’s look at how these actions can apply to real-life situations:
How Can Parents Spot a Microaggression?
Microaggressions can come from anyone, including peers, teachers, school administrators or strangers in person or online. If you don’t have experience with microaggressions, it may be hard to spot them. Here is an easy test to determine if an interaction is a microaggression: The “3 S” Test:
If the answer is yes to any of those questions, it’s probably a microaggression. Even if you’re unsure, trust your child’s feelings and responses to the 3 S Test. And if you determine that it is a microaggression, it’s time to worry, as it may result in harm at some point in the future.
The emotional and behavioral effects of microaggressions and other forms of discrimination in Asian American youth may include:
Why Do Kids Need Parents to Talk About This?
When kids first encounter microaggressions, they may think to themselves, “Maybe I’m too sensitive,” or “Maybe if I just act more American, this won’t happen.” Over time, the trauma chips away at self‑esteem and teaches kids to hide parts of who they are.
Tips For Helping Your Child Deal with Microaggressions
- How to Start the Conversation
Your first urge may be to minimize the experience or turn it into a lesson But, all you must do is listen. Your child needs to feel heard and cared for before you offer advice.
Validating statements can help your child feel that their experience is important. If you were a victim of microaggressions, it may be useful to let them know what happened to you, how it made you feel and what you did about it.
- Teaching Your Child How to Respond
Many children may freeze when they hear a microaggression. Later, they think of what they wish they had said. You can help by practicing at home. Role‑playing can be helpful. This is a process in which one of you takes the role of perpetrator of a microaggression and the other responds in a civil, clear manner. Role playing should not embody a battle. Rather, it should open a door for a conversation. Try brainstorming some responses together:
There’s no “right” response for every situation, as the goal is to give your child options, the confidence to use them and to master an ability to respond politely and engage the other individual. 3. Reinforce Pride in Their Identity
Microaggressions send the message that being Asian is “weird” or “foreign.” Parents can counteract that by role modeling messages of Asian pride.
You can help your child feel proud and connected to their roots. Through these actions, they’re way less likely to internalize harmful messages from the outside world.
- Keep the Door Open
At the end, remind your child that they don’t have to deal with these things alone. When your child knows they can come to you, they won’t feel as lost and isolated. In fact, this opens the door for conversations — and strengthens your relationship.
The Takeaway for Parents
When dealing with microaggressions, you don’t need to be perfect. Many of the tips noted above may feel awkward or uncomfortable at first. What your child needs most is to know that you’re on their side — that you want to listen, you want to understand, and you want to stand beside them as they navigate the world. These intentions and actions can help build their confidence, foster their identity as well as bolster your attachment with your child.
This was originally posted on the Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds at The Massachusetts General Hospital.
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Eugene V. Beresin, M.D. , is Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, the Executive Director of the MGH Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds, and Director of the Elizabeth Thatcher Acampora Endowment.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.